Skinny Jeans in a fat country.

So i walk into the mall today to get my new blackberry. The old one decided to stop working for no reason, and i have been subjected to using a fuckin Dinosaur of a blackberry for the past 2 weeks. So telus calls me to inform me that my new one is in. (There will be a telus post very soon...grrrr), so i head out to pick it up. As they are restoring my information onto my new phone, i took a walk through the mall to kill the 20 minutes it was going to take...

As i walked, i remembered that school was out for high school students, and as such, they swarm in the one place they know and love; the mall. Everywhere i looked were pre-pubescent little punks trying to dress like they're in one of their favourite here-today-gone-tomorrow bands, and there was one kid in particular who just struck me, and pressed all my wrong buttons.

Here was this kid...let's say 16 or so, around 5'7", and with a little extra meat to him, if you know what i mean. His hair is shaggy and gross, and it's greasiness is kept out of his face, or rather strategically IN his face by a bright pink thin headband around his head...it would have almost been Julius Caesar-like if it wasn't so flamingly homosexual. He's matched his head band with a bright yellow t-shirt sporting some fuckin horrible band, and to complete the outfit....the skinny jeans.

This post is directed towards MALES who wear the skinny jeans...because usually a girl will have enough common sense to know that even if they're in style, if it looks like shit, they won't wear it. Boys on the other hand...well they're just fucking stupid.

Skinny jeans, of course are "trendy" right now, and you can see them everywhere you look. They make them for men and for women, but i've noticed a lot of these young male kids actually buy the FEMALE pants, because i guess that must make them SO much cooler. I don't get it. I truly don't. I mean...you're WILLINGLY stuffing yourself into super skinny and tight pants in order to look cool? I mean, they can't be comfortable, and they look fuckin ridiculous, so why the hell are you wearing them?

Now before i continue, i would like people to know that i don't think they look horrible on EVERYONE. There are certain women, AND men who can actually pull these things off, and make them look good. But here's the deal...if they DON'T LOOK GOOD ON YOU, DON'T FUCKING WEAR THEM.

Here is a little guide to know whether or not skinny jeans are for you:

1 - if your thighs are wider than your calves.
2 - if your hips are wider than your torso.
3 - if you DON'T have stupid skinny chicken legs (boys, this one is for you)
4 - if even YOU have to convince yourself that they're cool

The only way skinny jeans can work on some people is because they're either:

1 - naturally very, very thin
2 - are completely anorexic and bullimic
3 - are completely coked-out
4 - any combination of the above.

I mean, guys, don't you realize how stupid you look? In order for these jeans to look even REMOTELY good, your legs have to be the same width all the way down, you can't have ANY hips or ANY sort of a gut, AND your shirt has to be just as tight, otherwise you look like some hood rat broad from the 80s with a baggy white snake t shirt and leggings...but that doesn't cross your mind...you guys even go so far as to wear your skinnies with MASSIVE skater shoes, which further enhance how fucking ridiculous you look, and you stuff things into your pockets (which must take a whole lot of work, since your pants are so tight) which makes everything look bulgy and fucking weird....this kid i mentioned above for example, had his cell phone in one pocket, and his keys in another, and oh yeah, he was human and his thighs were quite a lot wider than his calves, so he just looked like a really fucked up body builder or something from a tim burton movie.

Now, i know that every generation has their trends...we all have our stupid hair styles and bad fashions...but for the most part, people are smart enough to know when something just looks fuckin horrendous. Sure, we've all worn something, then seen it in a picture and said "What was i thinking!?" but when these kids look at their pics 20 years from now, they're all going to wonder what the fuck made them want to look like chicken-legged emo clones of each other.

USE YOUR HEADS boys! Buy a GQ magazine and see how ADULTS dress. find your OWN style, and have PRIDE in your own style. Don't just dress the way you dress because someone tells you it's cool...get a backbone, and for fuck's sakes, buy a full length mirror, because quite honestly, you all just look fucking absurd...but that's ok...i'm sure you won't be embarassed to tell your future wives that you shop in the womens' section.