Picture this...a 45 year old woman walks up to you on christmas eve and tells you she can't wait to go to sleep because santa is coming...or how about a 30 year old man excited because the easter bunny left him a bunch of cadbury creme eggs...you'd think they're crazy right? you would think they're childish...immature....or even that they may have a mental illness...you'd look at them in shock that they still believe in such childhood tales as santa and the easter bunny and the tooth fairy...
now picture this...a 40 year old man talks about how God saved him from a car accident. Or a 20 year old woman Thanks God for her digital camera still being at the bar from the night before...you don't look at them like they're crazy. You don't think they're childish or immature...you don't even budge..why?
Why is it that things like santa claus and leprechauns are SO unbelievable, but things like God and Jesus are perfectly acceptable? Can anyone answer that question for me?
At least characters like that have a purpose...they have one or 2 set things they do...santa brings presents and goes down chimneys. The easter bunny brings you eggs and goodies...the leprechaun protects his pot of gold in case you DO make it to the end of the rainbow and the tooth fairy gives you money for your lost teeth..hell, even the fucking boogie man has a purpose; to scare the fuck out of you.
But god...i mean...what is really his purpose? I mean people pray to him, talk to him, and thank him for the craziest things. Your team scores a touchdown? Thank god. The sun came out after a rainstorm? Thank god. It's friday!? Thank god....what the fuck is that?
we're trained as children to "grow out" of things...once you reach a certain age, if you believe in santa, you're told to grow up. If you still play with toys, you're told to grow up...but if you still believe in Jesus, that's perfectly acceptable....so you're telling me it's completely untrue and impossible for a fat man to bring presents to billions of people in one night, but it's TOTALLY POSSIBLE that some bearded dude in a robe can turn water into wine, and can feed 500 people with a couple fish and some stale fuckin bread!? BUT THAT'S OK TO BELIEVE!?
To me, believing in the Bible...jesus..."god"...it's all just a childhood story you never grew out of. See...you chose not to believe in santa because you were old enough to know better...you started making your own opinions and realizing things...but you never grew out of your religious beliefs...you still believe that when you die you're going to enter some majestic palace in the sky...and you're going to float on a cloud with Jimi Hendrix for all eternity...You believe that when you put your hands together and talk to yourself, that some mystical figure in space is listening, and is going to answer all your requests...but SANTA is bullshit.
I for one, am SO SICK of hearing people say things like "they're in a better place now" or "it was their time" or "it was god's will" when someone dies. NO. they died because they're human. We all die at one point or another. If someone you know died in a plane crash, don't blame god, blame whatever the actual reason was for the mishap. It honestly boggles my mind to no end when i hear people talk about religion and praying and god...like, LISTEN TO YOURSELVES. You people will deny every shred of proof given to you to explain that we EVOLVED, in favour of believing that we were created, and everything was the doing of one spiritual being. THINK ABOUT THAT. Some...fucking apparition floating in the depths of space decided to just create shit one day??
"Hey...fuck, i'm bored...just floating out here...i'm gonna build a planet, and i'm going to stock it with people just so i can torture them for eternity! Yep!! and i'm going to give each one of them a special way to talk to me, and now i'll be able to hear everything they say!! I'm gonna create all sorts of shit!! Fuck, i'll even create light and dark! shit!! look at me go!! here's some water bitches!! What's this thing? i don't fuckin know but i'm gonna call it a chicken!"
LIKE, LISTEN TO YOURSELVES!! You're all cowards. You're all too afraid to take blame and to take responsibility for our actions as humans...instead you blame everything on a fucking mythical creature. War? god's fault. Death? God's fault. Disease? God's fault.... Oh shit, you got cancer? Fuck, don't blame all the cigarettes you inhaled for 45 years, blame God! It's his fault!! oh no...you knocked up your white trash girlfriend at 14? Fuck...don't blame your lack of protection or judgment, blame god! you people are ridiculous.
From this day on, if it's ok for you jackasses to believe in God, Jesus, his immaculate birth, and all the other bullshit in the bible, then I'm going to fully believe in Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, Beetlejuice and that dog urine can cure cancer. And if ANY of you say a fucking thing to me, I am going to ask you for just one...tiny..piece of proof that your beliefs are in something even remotely factual.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Things people do that bug the PISS out of me.
Have you ever been somewhere, and you see someone do something that just annoys the shit out of you? I have....it happens all the time....things that make me just say "Seriously?! WTF?"
here's a list of a few of the things that make me have that reaction:
When the traffic lights in an intersection are flashing yellow...and people treat it as a
4 way stop. It's not a 4-way stop people, it means proceed with caution...ANY 16 year old with a driver's handbook will tell you that.
When people pull to the side of the road and wait for a funeral procession to pass. Did i miss something? when and where did this become a rule of the road? I understand that it's out of respect, but there's no need to hold up the traffic on a busy street because you want to wait for a 786 vehicle convoy to pass.
When people say "Bless you" after I sneeze. Newsflash, we're not all religious, so blessing me is kind of ridiculous in my eyes. Not to mention, even if i WAS religious, who gave YOU the power to Bless people? either ignore my sneeze or come up with something athiest to say please.
when people make facebook groups for the DUMBEST shit possible. The worst ones are the ones that say "We need 10,000 people so the government will stop taxes!"...um no they won't! i doubt the government gives a shit about your stupid facebook group. That being said I am also deeply annoyed by the endless amounts of invites i get to join stupid fucking applications like Mafia Wars, or OWNED!! Your friend just bought you! find out how much you're worth!! Umm...no, how about i don't, because i really don't care how much i am "worth" in fake internet money. get a fucking life people.
When people make fun of other people because they aren't good at guitar hero...I would take that as a compliment because it means i actually have A FUCKING LIFE. Wow, you beat tom morello on expert and own the high score!? Omg!! While you were doing that, i was being PRODUCTIVE.
People that constantly talk about calories, without knowing how it all works. They look at the back of pacakges for the calorie content, but compeltely ignore the other content...here's a tip people, find out how many calories you NEED in a day before you start scoffing at anything over 23 calories.
Also on that note, people who preach about eating healthy but still suck on cigarettes all day. I only have 1 thing to say to you. FUCK YOU. Even if you eat the healthiest shit in the world, you're still going to die a seriously fucked up death.
People that say one or 2 words, or just make a loud sigh so you will eventually ask them what is wrong. FUCKING STOP THAT. chances are, if no one noticed something was wrong, then they don't care enough to ask you. So sitting in the corner of the room making random noises until someone asks you what is wrong is seriously fucking annoying...Also, if someone actually DOES give in and asks you what is wrong, please stop saying "ohhh...nothing, don't worry about it"...my god could you ASK for any more attention??!?
People that don't tip their bartender or waitress. it's primarliy americans....why do you feel you don't have to tip? fuck you. that's bullshit and a half. If your bartender is serving you well, and you're having a good time, drop them a dollar every drink...seriously, it's just pathetic if you don't. and the people that don't tip and say "well after three drinks, i've saved enough for another drink!!" that's just beyond lame. grow up and be an adult.
Furthermore, the people that "tip" their dimes, pennies and nickels...you people need to be fucking shot. A tip of dimes and nickels is just insulting..and if your tip includes even a single penny, you need to go home and end your life. Welcome to the real world. This isn't baghdad.
And finally, (for this post at least) people who talk about things they have absolutely NO clue about...if you know you have no idea what you're talking about, then DON'T talk about it. If you're not in the medical field, then don't talk about shit because you sound like an idiot. If you know nothing about politics, then don't talk about politics...and if you don't know music or art, you had better not open your mouth,...because the people that DO know what they're talking about are listening and you're just making yourself sound like a fucking moron. So do yourself a favour and just stop.
here's a list of a few of the things that make me have that reaction:
When the traffic lights in an intersection are flashing yellow...and people treat it as a
4 way stop. It's not a 4-way stop people, it means proceed with caution...ANY 16 year old with a driver's handbook will tell you that.
When people pull to the side of the road and wait for a funeral procession to pass. Did i miss something? when and where did this become a rule of the road? I understand that it's out of respect, but there's no need to hold up the traffic on a busy street because you want to wait for a 786 vehicle convoy to pass.
When people say "Bless you" after I sneeze. Newsflash, we're not all religious, so blessing me is kind of ridiculous in my eyes. Not to mention, even if i WAS religious, who gave YOU the power to Bless people? either ignore my sneeze or come up with something athiest to say please.
when people make facebook groups for the DUMBEST shit possible. The worst ones are the ones that say "We need 10,000 people so the government will stop taxes!"...um no they won't! i doubt the government gives a shit about your stupid facebook group. That being said I am also deeply annoyed by the endless amounts of invites i get to join stupid fucking applications like Mafia Wars, or OWNED!! Your friend just bought you! find out how much you're worth!! Umm...no, how about i don't, because i really don't care how much i am "worth" in fake internet money. get a fucking life people.
When people make fun of other people because they aren't good at guitar hero...I would take that as a compliment because it means i actually have A FUCKING LIFE. Wow, you beat tom morello on expert and own the high score!? Omg!! While you were doing that, i was being PRODUCTIVE.
People that constantly talk about calories, without knowing how it all works. They look at the back of pacakges for the calorie content, but compeltely ignore the other content...here's a tip people, find out how many calories you NEED in a day before you start scoffing at anything over 23 calories.
Also on that note, people who preach about eating healthy but still suck on cigarettes all day. I only have 1 thing to say to you. FUCK YOU. Even if you eat the healthiest shit in the world, you're still going to die a seriously fucked up death.
People that say one or 2 words, or just make a loud sigh so you will eventually ask them what is wrong. FUCKING STOP THAT. chances are, if no one noticed something was wrong, then they don't care enough to ask you. So sitting in the corner of the room making random noises until someone asks you what is wrong is seriously fucking annoying...Also, if someone actually DOES give in and asks you what is wrong, please stop saying "ohhh...nothing, don't worry about it"...my god could you ASK for any more attention??!?
People that don't tip their bartender or waitress. it's primarliy americans....why do you feel you don't have to tip? fuck you. that's bullshit and a half. If your bartender is serving you well, and you're having a good time, drop them a dollar every drink...seriously, it's just pathetic if you don't. and the people that don't tip and say "well after three drinks, i've saved enough for another drink!!" that's just beyond lame. grow up and be an adult.
Furthermore, the people that "tip" their dimes, pennies and nickels...you people need to be fucking shot. A tip of dimes and nickels is just insulting..and if your tip includes even a single penny, you need to go home and end your life. Welcome to the real world. This isn't baghdad.
And finally, (for this post at least) people who talk about things they have absolutely NO clue about...if you know you have no idea what you're talking about, then DON'T talk about it. If you're not in the medical field, then don't talk about shit because you sound like an idiot. If you know nothing about politics, then don't talk about politics...and if you don't know music or art, you had better not open your mouth,...because the people that DO know what they're talking about are listening and you're just making yourself sound like a fucking moron. So do yourself a favour and just stop.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
THIS IS WHY RELIGION IS A FUCKING JOKE.
This was in the news today - THIS IS WHY RELIGION IS A FUCKING JOKE.
WAUSAU, Wisc. - The mother of an 11-year-old girl who died of undiagnosed diabetes as the family prayed for her to get better testified Tuesday that she believes sickness is caused by sin and can be cured by God.
Leilani Neumann told the jury in her husband's trial that she thought her daughter's March 2008 illness was a test of her religious faith and she didn't take the girl to a doctor because that would have been "complete disobedience to what we believe."
Dale Neumann, 47, is charged with second-degree reckless homicide in the 2008 death of his daughter Madeline Neumann, called Kara by her parents. His wife was convicted of the same charge this spring and faces up to 25 years in prison when sentenced Oct. 6.
Prosecutors contend Dale Neumann recklessly killed the youngest of his four children by ignoring her deteriorating health. They claim Neumann had a legal duty to take her to a doctor.
Leilani Neumann testified for nearly five hours Tuesday, describing the events leading up to her daughter's March 23, 2008, death on a mattress on the floor of the family's rural Weston home as people surrounded her and prayed. Someone called for help when she stopped breathing.
The mother said that she and her husband believed their daughter's deteriorating condition may have been the result of a falling out with another couple, and called them once the girl was unconscious and persuaded them to come pray for the girl.
Illness viewed as 'something spiritual'
The family does not belong to an organized religion, and Leilani Neumann said they have nothing against doctors. But, she said, she believes in spiritual healing and viewed Madeline's March 2008 illness as "something spiritual."
Leilani Neumann also said that she did not realize her daughter was seriously ill until the day before her death, when the girl was weak and pale and had trouble speaking.
"I asked her if she loved Jesus," the mother testified. "She might have said yes. I know for sure she was acknowledging it. What sounds came out, I don't remember. She was making noises. ... My focus definitely was to pray."
She said she never once believed the girl would die.
"We thought even the lifelessness was something that she would come out of," the mother said. "Everything for us is about faith. It is about trusting in God. We either believe in God's word or we don't."
A pediatric expert on diabetes told the jury Monday that even right before her death, doctors might have been able to save the girl's life had she been brought to a hospital.
**********************************
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? your daughter is DYING on your floor on a mattress, she can't speak, she can barely move, and YOUR FOCUS is to PRAY!!? Seriously?! Like closing your eyes, and talking to the ceiling will cure her!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? You believed it was a test of her faith!!? WHAAAAT!?!? like...what runs through your heads? you actually believe that your daughter will be CURED by praying!?! PRAYING!!?
the best part, "we thought even the lifelessness was something she would come out of"....SERIOUSLY!? you thought your daughter was going to magically COME BACK TO LIFE because you and your fucking crazy friends sat in a circle and talked to a figment of your imaginations!? DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS!?
every time i read this, i just get more and more pissed off with peoples' stupidity. You're all so blinded by your "faith" that you can't see what's really in front of you...i for one, and sick to my fucking stomach by this article, and I have had enough of "God" "jesus" and the whole religious world....
"I asked her if she loved Jesus," the mother testified. "She might have said yes. I know for sure she was acknowledging it. What sounds came out, I don't remember. She was making noises. ... My focus definitely was to pray."
READ THAT....READ THAT STATEMENT. THE GIRL COULDN'T EVEN FUCKING TALK, AND THE MOTHER'S FOCUS WAS TO PRAY! PRAYYYYYY!!!
i can't....i just can't wrap my head around the stupidity of this...i have to go before i really let the flood gates open.
WAUSAU, Wisc. - The mother of an 11-year-old girl who died of undiagnosed diabetes as the family prayed for her to get better testified Tuesday that she believes sickness is caused by sin and can be cured by God.
Leilani Neumann told the jury in her husband's trial that she thought her daughter's March 2008 illness was a test of her religious faith and she didn't take the girl to a doctor because that would have been "complete disobedience to what we believe."
Dale Neumann, 47, is charged with second-degree reckless homicide in the 2008 death of his daughter Madeline Neumann, called Kara by her parents. His wife was convicted of the same charge this spring and faces up to 25 years in prison when sentenced Oct. 6.
Prosecutors contend Dale Neumann recklessly killed the youngest of his four children by ignoring her deteriorating health. They claim Neumann had a legal duty to take her to a doctor.
Leilani Neumann testified for nearly five hours Tuesday, describing the events leading up to her daughter's March 23, 2008, death on a mattress on the floor of the family's rural Weston home as people surrounded her and prayed. Someone called for help when she stopped breathing.
The mother said that she and her husband believed their daughter's deteriorating condition may have been the result of a falling out with another couple, and called them once the girl was unconscious and persuaded them to come pray for the girl.
Illness viewed as 'something spiritual'
The family does not belong to an organized religion, and Leilani Neumann said they have nothing against doctors. But, she said, she believes in spiritual healing and viewed Madeline's March 2008 illness as "something spiritual."
Leilani Neumann also said that she did not realize her daughter was seriously ill until the day before her death, when the girl was weak and pale and had trouble speaking.
"I asked her if she loved Jesus," the mother testified. "She might have said yes. I know for sure she was acknowledging it. What sounds came out, I don't remember. She was making noises. ... My focus definitely was to pray."
She said she never once believed the girl would die.
"We thought even the lifelessness was something that she would come out of," the mother said. "Everything for us is about faith. It is about trusting in God. We either believe in God's word or we don't."
A pediatric expert on diabetes told the jury Monday that even right before her death, doctors might have been able to save the girl's life had she been brought to a hospital.
**********************************
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? your daughter is DYING on your floor on a mattress, she can't speak, she can barely move, and YOUR FOCUS is to PRAY!!? Seriously?! Like closing your eyes, and talking to the ceiling will cure her!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? You believed it was a test of her faith!!? WHAAAAT!?!? like...what runs through your heads? you actually believe that your daughter will be CURED by praying!?! PRAYING!!?
the best part, "we thought even the lifelessness was something she would come out of"....SERIOUSLY!? you thought your daughter was going to magically COME BACK TO LIFE because you and your fucking crazy friends sat in a circle and talked to a figment of your imaginations!? DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS!?
every time i read this, i just get more and more pissed off with peoples' stupidity. You're all so blinded by your "faith" that you can't see what's really in front of you...i for one, and sick to my fucking stomach by this article, and I have had enough of "God" "jesus" and the whole religious world....
"I asked her if she loved Jesus," the mother testified. "She might have said yes. I know for sure she was acknowledging it. What sounds came out, I don't remember. She was making noises. ... My focus definitely was to pray."
READ THAT....READ THAT STATEMENT. THE GIRL COULDN'T EVEN FUCKING TALK, AND THE MOTHER'S FOCUS WAS TO PRAY! PRAYYYYYY!!!
i can't....i just can't wrap my head around the stupidity of this...i have to go before i really let the flood gates open.
Monday, July 27, 2009
man and manly works!
Ah yes, the mystical, magical world of masculinity...A world full of sweat, beer, odours, sports, red meat and trucks!! Clean nails!? WHAT!? Napkins!? who needs them!? and what is that green shit on my plate? Broccoli!? Get that the fuck outta here!! I am a MAN, and this is MY MANLY WORLD GRRRRRR!!!
...right.....well, I am a man, and i can safely, and proudly say I am not a citizen of the testosterone-fueled country of manliness. I don't even like visiting for a weekend. I very much prefer the much more gentlemanly and open-minded township that I live in...one where you can be a man, but still enjoy and participate in things that may not be considered manly, and no one cares...in fact, a lot of people actually prefer a man that can do un-manly things whil still remaining masucline....did i lose anyone there?
For example....I am not an overly manly person...we've established that in past journals...but does that mean that i don't exhibit manly things? No. I still LOOK like a man, talk like one, dress like one, and so on, but i don't do it in the ridiculously over exaggerated and stereotypical way that inhabitants of Manly World do. Some guys like to sit around and play guitar hero all day, or watch family guy, or whatever...me, i prefer chilling out watching a movie (that ISN'T a road trip type frat boy comedy)while reading or writing, or even just playing on my guitar...is that un-manly? No, just a different type of manly. Some guys drink Blue Light or Coors Light and think they have to because it's manly. I don't always drink beer, but when i do, i prefer Dos Equis (i couldn't resist, but it's actually true in my case), or a martini, or amaretto on the rocks, or something slightly more sophisticated than sucking beer out of such a stereotypical bottle.
My dress is a mix of Musician/rocker attire with a slightly GQ touch (as much as i can afford of course)...a combination many people have commented on, even calling my mix of military cut dress shirts, and skinny ties my "signature" look... but there is always a manly edge to it...so why do i have to wear baggy t-shirts or ball caps to look manly? I don't...
What brought this post on was a recent comment made to me after i mentioned that I had made a stop at Bath and Body works. I mentioned it in passing conversation, and this person, a man of course, stopped me mid sentence to say; "Wait did you say bath and body works?" to which i replied yes....he just looked at me as if i told him i wear high heels on weekends and touch young albino children in their no-no spots. I took immediate interest in his comment asking him why i got the weird look. He replied with "Oh no reason...just wondering if you bought your vagina there too"...
Now, normally i would laugh, which i did a little bit, but it's not like i was watching all my children and flipping through a victoria's secret catalogue. I was at a store purchasing hygiene products to better myself and my lifestyle. Yes, i purchased body wash. yes i purchased hand lotion. Yes, i sampled almost every scent in the store to find the right fragrance for the right room, moment and occasion. And i find absolutely nothing wrong with that...and neither should you.
There is nothing wrong or unmanly about preferring your soap to smell of sweet pea instead of Dial. There is nothing wrong with wanting your bedroom to waft of the scent of fresh bamboo...there is nothing wrong with wanting your hands to have the faint scent of Japanese cherry blossom, or your skin to smell of Sea Island Cotton...it doesn't make you un manly at all. If anything, it makes you MORE manly, and gives you, and people who perceive you the ideal that you actually have some substance, and, dare i say it, some culture!
But no, you run out to your nearest Shoppers Drug mart and buy whatever spike TV tells you to buy...which means you run to the Axe bodywash and body spray section and stock up because you think chicks will fall all over you...but you just end up smelling like a giant douche bag. Although i will admit, the Axe hair products are actually worth the purchase. Here's an idea...get some depth in your life, and start looking at things from different angles...stop buying cologne because it's cheap, and start looking into what smells you enjoy and what smells the best on you...cologne is worth the money spent if you find the one you really enjoy...and don't buy it because of the name...buy it because you LIKE it. Me personally, my fallback scent is Lacoste Essentials...well, for the right occasions of course...i have a very VERY wide selection of colognes for all different things, but that will be another post.
I am a very happily taken man...but i got my lady by just being myself. So for those of you guys reading this that are "manly men" maybe you should realize that the tough guy act isn't what women are always looking for..newsflash, that bad boy thing chicks talk about, yeah that's just a phase...so you might want to reconsider the constant spike tv watching chauvanism.
What i'm getting at is FIND YOURSELF. step out of your head and your ideals of what you think you should be, and just BE. get a manicure if your hands are shot to hell...spend $80on a cologne that makes YOU feel good...try a different type of beer or drink just to see what it's like...buy that shirt you think "isn't me"....wear a fedora...download or buy an album from a band you know NOTHING about. Try cooking yourself dinner...something different...for fuck's sake, LIVE a little bit. Be YOU, stop being what you THINK a man should be!!
Now dammit, GO to Bath and Body works, find 3 smells you like, buy 3 body washes (buy 2 get 1 free!!) and start discovering your hidden self!!
...right.....well, I am a man, and i can safely, and proudly say I am not a citizen of the testosterone-fueled country of manliness. I don't even like visiting for a weekend. I very much prefer the much more gentlemanly and open-minded township that I live in...one where you can be a man, but still enjoy and participate in things that may not be considered manly, and no one cares...in fact, a lot of people actually prefer a man that can do un-manly things whil still remaining masucline....did i lose anyone there?
For example....I am not an overly manly person...we've established that in past journals...but does that mean that i don't exhibit manly things? No. I still LOOK like a man, talk like one, dress like one, and so on, but i don't do it in the ridiculously over exaggerated and stereotypical way that inhabitants of Manly World do. Some guys like to sit around and play guitar hero all day, or watch family guy, or whatever...me, i prefer chilling out watching a movie (that ISN'T a road trip type frat boy comedy)while reading or writing, or even just playing on my guitar...is that un-manly? No, just a different type of manly. Some guys drink Blue Light or Coors Light and think they have to because it's manly. I don't always drink beer, but when i do, i prefer Dos Equis (i couldn't resist, but it's actually true in my case), or a martini, or amaretto on the rocks, or something slightly more sophisticated than sucking beer out of such a stereotypical bottle.
My dress is a mix of Musician/rocker attire with a slightly GQ touch (as much as i can afford of course)...a combination many people have commented on, even calling my mix of military cut dress shirts, and skinny ties my "signature" look... but there is always a manly edge to it...so why do i have to wear baggy t-shirts or ball caps to look manly? I don't...
What brought this post on was a recent comment made to me after i mentioned that I had made a stop at Bath and Body works. I mentioned it in passing conversation, and this person, a man of course, stopped me mid sentence to say; "Wait did you say bath and body works?" to which i replied yes....he just looked at me as if i told him i wear high heels on weekends and touch young albino children in their no-no spots. I took immediate interest in his comment asking him why i got the weird look. He replied with "Oh no reason...just wondering if you bought your vagina there too"...
Now, normally i would laugh, which i did a little bit, but it's not like i was watching all my children and flipping through a victoria's secret catalogue. I was at a store purchasing hygiene products to better myself and my lifestyle. Yes, i purchased body wash. yes i purchased hand lotion. Yes, i sampled almost every scent in the store to find the right fragrance for the right room, moment and occasion. And i find absolutely nothing wrong with that...and neither should you.
There is nothing wrong or unmanly about preferring your soap to smell of sweet pea instead of Dial. There is nothing wrong with wanting your bedroom to waft of the scent of fresh bamboo...there is nothing wrong with wanting your hands to have the faint scent of Japanese cherry blossom, or your skin to smell of Sea Island Cotton...it doesn't make you un manly at all. If anything, it makes you MORE manly, and gives you, and people who perceive you the ideal that you actually have some substance, and, dare i say it, some culture!
But no, you run out to your nearest Shoppers Drug mart and buy whatever spike TV tells you to buy...which means you run to the Axe bodywash and body spray section and stock up because you think chicks will fall all over you...but you just end up smelling like a giant douche bag. Although i will admit, the Axe hair products are actually worth the purchase. Here's an idea...get some depth in your life, and start looking at things from different angles...stop buying cologne because it's cheap, and start looking into what smells you enjoy and what smells the best on you...cologne is worth the money spent if you find the one you really enjoy...and don't buy it because of the name...buy it because you LIKE it. Me personally, my fallback scent is Lacoste Essentials...well, for the right occasions of course...i have a very VERY wide selection of colognes for all different things, but that will be another post.
I am a very happily taken man...but i got my lady by just being myself. So for those of you guys reading this that are "manly men" maybe you should realize that the tough guy act isn't what women are always looking for..newsflash, that bad boy thing chicks talk about, yeah that's just a phase...so you might want to reconsider the constant spike tv watching chauvanism.
What i'm getting at is FIND YOURSELF. step out of your head and your ideals of what you think you should be, and just BE. get a manicure if your hands are shot to hell...spend $80on a cologne that makes YOU feel good...try a different type of beer or drink just to see what it's like...buy that shirt you think "isn't me"....wear a fedora...download or buy an album from a band you know NOTHING about. Try cooking yourself dinner...something different...for fuck's sake, LIVE a little bit. Be YOU, stop being what you THINK a man should be!!
Now dammit, GO to Bath and Body works, find 3 smells you like, buy 3 body washes (buy 2 get 1 free!!) and start discovering your hidden self!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Skinny Jeans in a fat country.
So i walk into the mall today to get my new blackberry. The old one decided to stop working for no reason, and i have been subjected to using a fuckin Dinosaur of a blackberry for the past 2 weeks. So telus calls me to inform me that my new one is in. (There will be a telus post very soon...grrrr), so i head out to pick it up. As they are restoring my information onto my new phone, i took a walk through the mall to kill the 20 minutes it was going to take...
As i walked, i remembered that school was out for high school students, and as such, they swarm in the one place they know and love; the mall. Everywhere i looked were pre-pubescent little punks trying to dress like they're in one of their favourite here-today-gone-tomorrow bands, and there was one kid in particular who just struck me, and pressed all my wrong buttons.
Here was this kid...let's say 16 or so, around 5'7", and with a little extra meat to him, if you know what i mean. His hair is shaggy and gross, and it's greasiness is kept out of his face, or rather strategically IN his face by a bright pink thin headband around his head...it would have almost been Julius Caesar-like if it wasn't so flamingly homosexual. He's matched his head band with a bright yellow t-shirt sporting some fuckin horrible band, and to complete the outfit....the skinny jeans.
This post is directed towards MALES who wear the skinny jeans...because usually a girl will have enough common sense to know that even if they're in style, if it looks like shit, they won't wear it. Boys on the other hand...well they're just fucking stupid.
Skinny jeans, of course are "trendy" right now, and you can see them everywhere you look. They make them for men and for women, but i've noticed a lot of these young male kids actually buy the FEMALE pants, because i guess that must make them SO much cooler. I don't get it. I truly don't. I mean...you're WILLINGLY stuffing yourself into super skinny and tight pants in order to look cool? I mean, they can't be comfortable, and they look fuckin ridiculous, so why the hell are you wearing them?
Now before i continue, i would like people to know that i don't think they look horrible on EVERYONE. There are certain women, AND men who can actually pull these things off, and make them look good. But here's the deal...if they DON'T LOOK GOOD ON YOU, DON'T FUCKING WEAR THEM.
Here is a little guide to know whether or not skinny jeans are for you:
1 - if your thighs are wider than your calves.
2 - if your hips are wider than your torso.
3 - if you DON'T have stupid skinny chicken legs (boys, this one is for you)
4 - if even YOU have to convince yourself that they're cool
The only way skinny jeans can work on some people is because they're either:
1 - naturally very, very thin
2 - are completely anorexic and bullimic
3 - are completely coked-out
4 - any combination of the above.
I mean, guys, don't you realize how stupid you look? In order for these jeans to look even REMOTELY good, your legs have to be the same width all the way down, you can't have ANY hips or ANY sort of a gut, AND your shirt has to be just as tight, otherwise you look like some hood rat broad from the 80s with a baggy white snake t shirt and leggings...but that doesn't cross your mind...you guys even go so far as to wear your skinnies with MASSIVE skater shoes, which further enhance how fucking ridiculous you look, and you stuff things into your pockets (which must take a whole lot of work, since your pants are so tight) which makes everything look bulgy and fucking weird....this kid i mentioned above for example, had his cell phone in one pocket, and his keys in another, and oh yeah, he was human and his thighs were quite a lot wider than his calves, so he just looked like a really fucked up body builder or something from a tim burton movie.
Now, i know that every generation has their trends...we all have our stupid hair styles and bad fashions...but for the most part, people are smart enough to know when something just looks fuckin horrendous. Sure, we've all worn something, then seen it in a picture and said "What was i thinking!?" but when these kids look at their pics 20 years from now, they're all going to wonder what the fuck made them want to look like chicken-legged emo clones of each other.
USE YOUR HEADS boys! Buy a GQ magazine and see how ADULTS dress. find your OWN style, and have PRIDE in your own style. Don't just dress the way you dress because someone tells you it's cool...get a backbone, and for fuck's sakes, buy a full length mirror, because quite honestly, you all just look fucking absurd...but that's ok...i'm sure you won't be embarassed to tell your future wives that you shop in the womens' section.
As i walked, i remembered that school was out for high school students, and as such, they swarm in the one place they know and love; the mall. Everywhere i looked were pre-pubescent little punks trying to dress like they're in one of their favourite here-today-gone-tomorrow bands, and there was one kid in particular who just struck me, and pressed all my wrong buttons.
Here was this kid...let's say 16 or so, around 5'7", and with a little extra meat to him, if you know what i mean. His hair is shaggy and gross, and it's greasiness is kept out of his face, or rather strategically IN his face by a bright pink thin headband around his head...it would have almost been Julius Caesar-like if it wasn't so flamingly homosexual. He's matched his head band with a bright yellow t-shirt sporting some fuckin horrible band, and to complete the outfit....the skinny jeans.
This post is directed towards MALES who wear the skinny jeans...because usually a girl will have enough common sense to know that even if they're in style, if it looks like shit, they won't wear it. Boys on the other hand...well they're just fucking stupid.
Skinny jeans, of course are "trendy" right now, and you can see them everywhere you look. They make them for men and for women, but i've noticed a lot of these young male kids actually buy the FEMALE pants, because i guess that must make them SO much cooler. I don't get it. I truly don't. I mean...you're WILLINGLY stuffing yourself into super skinny and tight pants in order to look cool? I mean, they can't be comfortable, and they look fuckin ridiculous, so why the hell are you wearing them?
Now before i continue, i would like people to know that i don't think they look horrible on EVERYONE. There are certain women, AND men who can actually pull these things off, and make them look good. But here's the deal...if they DON'T LOOK GOOD ON YOU, DON'T FUCKING WEAR THEM.
Here is a little guide to know whether or not skinny jeans are for you:
1 - if your thighs are wider than your calves.
2 - if your hips are wider than your torso.
3 - if you DON'T have stupid skinny chicken legs (boys, this one is for you)
4 - if even YOU have to convince yourself that they're cool
The only way skinny jeans can work on some people is because they're either:
1 - naturally very, very thin
2 - are completely anorexic and bullimic
3 - are completely coked-out
4 - any combination of the above.
I mean, guys, don't you realize how stupid you look? In order for these jeans to look even REMOTELY good, your legs have to be the same width all the way down, you can't have ANY hips or ANY sort of a gut, AND your shirt has to be just as tight, otherwise you look like some hood rat broad from the 80s with a baggy white snake t shirt and leggings...but that doesn't cross your mind...you guys even go so far as to wear your skinnies with MASSIVE skater shoes, which further enhance how fucking ridiculous you look, and you stuff things into your pockets (which must take a whole lot of work, since your pants are so tight) which makes everything look bulgy and fucking weird....this kid i mentioned above for example, had his cell phone in one pocket, and his keys in another, and oh yeah, he was human and his thighs were quite a lot wider than his calves, so he just looked like a really fucked up body builder or something from a tim burton movie.
Now, i know that every generation has their trends...we all have our stupid hair styles and bad fashions...but for the most part, people are smart enough to know when something just looks fuckin horrendous. Sure, we've all worn something, then seen it in a picture and said "What was i thinking!?" but when these kids look at their pics 20 years from now, they're all going to wonder what the fuck made them want to look like chicken-legged emo clones of each other.
USE YOUR HEADS boys! Buy a GQ magazine and see how ADULTS dress. find your OWN style, and have PRIDE in your own style. Don't just dress the way you dress because someone tells you it's cool...get a backbone, and for fuck's sakes, buy a full length mirror, because quite honestly, you all just look fucking absurd...but that's ok...i'm sure you won't be embarassed to tell your future wives that you shop in the womens' section.
Monday, July 20, 2009
The Dollar Store people.
Since about grade 6, i have really started tuning into the way people act. I have paid attention to every single detail about certain things, which lends itself nicely to my natural gift to be able to read people quite well, and quite quickly. For years now i've been overly observant, and making mental notes even when i don't realize i am. The earliest notes i can remember are grade 6, the year where i found myself in a complete different environment than i had been used to. In my day, Grade 6 was the year where people began to really show their true colours. Boys and girls began to become attracted to each other, personalities began to blossom, and the desire to be deemed as "cool" became the obsession of the year. Among this desire, most notably, was the need for anything and everything "name brand"; which is somewhat the focus of this blog.
Anything and everything that was not either Nike, Starter, Adidas, or didn't have the official logo of some sports team on it, was completely un-cool. it didn't matter how much they had to spend, (or their parents rather) or how long they had to wait, as long as they had those Scottie Pippin Nikes, they were cool...
I find that this tradition still continues today, but rather in ALL sorts of people and age groups...the victim? The Dollar Store.
Let's use Dollarama as an example...which is by far the best store, and my favourite. People still have this ridiculous stigma about it, that all things contained within the stores' walls are cheap, gaudy, ugly, and they're only a dollar because they are just pure shit....when in reality a lot of the items in there are so cheap because it really only costs their manufacturers pennies to make. Many things in the store are the exact same items you would find in other stores, but people are so freaked out by the idea that it's in a....GASP!....dollar store, that they won't even go near them.
It pisses me off, and it shows just how ridiculous people are. Now, I am not saying go out and do all your groceries at Dollarama, or buy all your clothes there, because come on, we all have our need for nice threads, but seriously, there are a LOT of items in Dollarama that are THE EXACT SAME in quality as name brand items, that you could save yourself a lot of money on. For example:
Mini pitchers. I went to the dollar store for mini pitchers for the bar, and i was able to pick up 15 pitchers for 15 dollars. The EXACT same pitchers were found at Williams food equipment for $6.50 each. I saved SO much money, and guess what, the pitchers do the exact same thing as the more expensive ones...they carry and pour liquid! Who would have guessed!
Hmmm, what else....candy bars, shampoo, Kraft Dinner (yes, the REAL kraft dinner), Blank CDs, cd cases, light bulbs, Mr. Noodle, deodorant, gift cards, gift wrap, glassware, candles, candle holders, and the list goes on and ON AND ON.....
It's almost as if people feel that by going to wal mart and spending more money on items makes themselves, and other people feel like they are big spenders, and are "too good" for the Dollar store...it makes me fucking sick to my stomach. I purchased 4 decorative wooden tray-type things, and 4 bags of decorative small black rocks, and a bag of 16 tealights for $9 plus tax. out of that 9 dollars, i was able to create 4 very cool looking candle holders for my room, which, if i never told you, you would have thought they came from Jysk or some other over priced place. But no, people will still flock to the big names and high prices in order to convince themselves that their quality of life is SOOOO much better than other peoples'...when in reality the dollar store people are just far more intelligent than the rest.
Anything and everything that was not either Nike, Starter, Adidas, or didn't have the official logo of some sports team on it, was completely un-cool. it didn't matter how much they had to spend, (or their parents rather) or how long they had to wait, as long as they had those Scottie Pippin Nikes, they were cool...
I find that this tradition still continues today, but rather in ALL sorts of people and age groups...the victim? The Dollar Store.
Let's use Dollarama as an example...which is by far the best store, and my favourite. People still have this ridiculous stigma about it, that all things contained within the stores' walls are cheap, gaudy, ugly, and they're only a dollar because they are just pure shit....when in reality a lot of the items in there are so cheap because it really only costs their manufacturers pennies to make. Many things in the store are the exact same items you would find in other stores, but people are so freaked out by the idea that it's in a....GASP!....dollar store, that they won't even go near them.
It pisses me off, and it shows just how ridiculous people are. Now, I am not saying go out and do all your groceries at Dollarama, or buy all your clothes there, because come on, we all have our need for nice threads, but seriously, there are a LOT of items in Dollarama that are THE EXACT SAME in quality as name brand items, that you could save yourself a lot of money on. For example:
Mini pitchers. I went to the dollar store for mini pitchers for the bar, and i was able to pick up 15 pitchers for 15 dollars. The EXACT same pitchers were found at Williams food equipment for $6.50 each. I saved SO much money, and guess what, the pitchers do the exact same thing as the more expensive ones...they carry and pour liquid! Who would have guessed!
Hmmm, what else....candy bars, shampoo, Kraft Dinner (yes, the REAL kraft dinner), Blank CDs, cd cases, light bulbs, Mr. Noodle, deodorant, gift cards, gift wrap, glassware, candles, candle holders, and the list goes on and ON AND ON.....
It's almost as if people feel that by going to wal mart and spending more money on items makes themselves, and other people feel like they are big spenders, and are "too good" for the Dollar store...it makes me fucking sick to my stomach. I purchased 4 decorative wooden tray-type things, and 4 bags of decorative small black rocks, and a bag of 16 tealights for $9 plus tax. out of that 9 dollars, i was able to create 4 very cool looking candle holders for my room, which, if i never told you, you would have thought they came from Jysk or some other over priced place. But no, people will still flock to the big names and high prices in order to convince themselves that their quality of life is SOOOO much better than other peoples'...when in reality the dollar store people are just far more intelligent than the rest.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
fwd: FWD:Fwd: Fwd - You are an idiot.
It's a never ending cycle of complete stupidity. Since the internet was made widely available, and the E-generation was born, there have been countless ways in which people show their vast stupidity on a daily basis.
The most predominant of these is the chain email. You would think, this being the year
2009, that people would realize by now that these things are just a waste of time and energy. But no...people still forward these pieces of shit to their entire address book because they're either scared of the "consequences" or they're gullible enough to believe that they will receive some sort of incentive in return for sending an email to 23 people in 5 minutes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I personally am SO sick of getting these emails, that i cannot properly put into words how much they piss me off. Do you seriously believe that Bill gates is going to share his fortune with you if you send an email to 7 people!? Or if you send your email to 20 people in the next 6 minutes, your "crush" will reveal themselves to you?? How the fuck would that even work!?
Like there's some massive database of peoples' crushes somewhere, and when the email gets sent, they get a memo?? Like, "oh shit, hey Bill, that janice girl that digs you just sent that letter to 20 people...you gotta send her a text now..."
Or one of my favourites, if you DON'T send this to 7,877 people in 39 seconds, you will have bad luck forever...
Like seriously? Who fuckin decides that!? That's not even possible!! yet people do it anyways.....they scramble to send it to their whole address book in the required time for fear that something horrible will happen...like if they only send it to 89 people instead of the required 100, then Chuck Norris will kick down their door dressed as Jesus and murder their dog.
when will you people learn? NONE of it works. Ever. It never has, and it never will. Like, use what few brain cells you have left, and THINK before you hit send. It's really not that difficult. The best part, is after you scroll down through the thousands of names and past forwards, you always get to one that says "OMG TRY THIS IT REALLY WORKS I SWEAR!! THE PHONE REALLY RANG AS SOON AS I HIT SEND!!!!"
NO IT DIDN'T. the phone did NOT ring. you did NOT get money from God, you did NOT get free clothes from Old Navy, and oh, guess what, you did NOT see a picture of the virgin mary drinking a dr. Pepper flash on your screen. So seriously, get a fucking life, grow up, and stop forwarding USELESS FUCKING EMAILS.
The most predominant of these is the chain email. You would think, this being the year
2009, that people would realize by now that these things are just a waste of time and energy. But no...people still forward these pieces of shit to their entire address book because they're either scared of the "consequences" or they're gullible enough to believe that they will receive some sort of incentive in return for sending an email to 23 people in 5 minutes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I personally am SO sick of getting these emails, that i cannot properly put into words how much they piss me off. Do you seriously believe that Bill gates is going to share his fortune with you if you send an email to 7 people!? Or if you send your email to 20 people in the next 6 minutes, your "crush" will reveal themselves to you?? How the fuck would that even work!?
Like there's some massive database of peoples' crushes somewhere, and when the email gets sent, they get a memo?? Like, "oh shit, hey Bill, that janice girl that digs you just sent that letter to 20 people...you gotta send her a text now..."
Or one of my favourites, if you DON'T send this to 7,877 people in 39 seconds, you will have bad luck forever...
Like seriously? Who fuckin decides that!? That's not even possible!! yet people do it anyways.....they scramble to send it to their whole address book in the required time for fear that something horrible will happen...like if they only send it to 89 people instead of the required 100, then Chuck Norris will kick down their door dressed as Jesus and murder their dog.
when will you people learn? NONE of it works. Ever. It never has, and it never will. Like, use what few brain cells you have left, and THINK before you hit send. It's really not that difficult. The best part, is after you scroll down through the thousands of names and past forwards, you always get to one that says "OMG TRY THIS IT REALLY WORKS I SWEAR!! THE PHONE REALLY RANG AS SOON AS I HIT SEND!!!!"
NO IT DIDN'T. the phone did NOT ring. you did NOT get money from God, you did NOT get free clothes from Old Navy, and oh, guess what, you did NOT see a picture of the virgin mary drinking a dr. Pepper flash on your screen. So seriously, get a fucking life, grow up, and stop forwarding USELESS FUCKING EMAILS.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)