Hurry hurry hurry

As i left class today, after taking my last exam for the year, i put my headphones on, and walked outside to an AMAZINGLY beautiful day. I was right on the river and for some reason, something struck me at that moment....people need to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. I don't mean physically....well actually yeah i kind of do....i mean in every aspect...slow down. Walk a little slower. Talk a little slower. Take things in instead of running by them. As i wtite this, i am sitting at the river, doing just that; taking things in. Slowing down. realizing that in the rat race that is life, we don't take enough time to just SEE things.

There are a lot of people who consider their relaxation time or down time as sitting in front of the tv, eating whatever they eat, or drinking whatever they drink...and hey, more power to them, whatever helps them unwind is cool with me. I personally only watch tv when it's super late at night and i just need something to occupy my eyes before i pass out, or when there is a show i actually want to see....which are few and FAR between. I find this...right now to be the way i like to unwind...quiet, a breeze, nature, and writing out all my thoughts, and unwinding.

Most people say they're SO busy, they have NO time for anything...but most of them have way more time than they think. They don't factor in the time they spend procrastinating. They don't realize that during the 2 hours it takes to watch gossip girl and 24, that's actually down time. They leave everything to the last minute, then rush and say they have no time. OR they enroll their kids in 57 different sports and activities and then bitch about it. YOU are in control of your life. you don't HAVE to enroll little Billy in soccer and baseball and hockey. You don't HAVE to watch gossip girl and the hills and whatever else you watch. You just WANT to.

Actually sit and total up all the time you spend not doing anything. You have a lot more time than you thought. And you will realize if you just slow down while you're doing the things you NEED to do, things will go much smoother. Try it.

As for me, i am going to get off this thing now, close my eyes, and unwind a bit further. Soak it in bitch!

out.

Helpful tips for life:

Alright people. Here are a few helpful tips in life. They've gotten me through this far, and they're pretty easy to live by, just try to learn them:

Tip # 1 - Stop being a douchebag. Seriously. Before you say or do something douchey, put yourself on the outside of the situation...if someone ELSE was about to do a ridiculous kermit the frog impression, or bust out the "I'm not your buddy, guy...i'm not your guy, friend" schtick for the millionth time, would you roll YOUR eyes and say "omg what a douche"?...if so, then keep your mouth shut.

Tip # 2 - If you're not classy, don't try to be. The "i'm going to act like i am a class act" thing is very transparent.

Tip # 3 - If you ARE classy, don't be a douchebag about it. It's a lot more impressive for people to notice your class on their own, rather than you forcing it down their throats. Example: If you have a knowledge of wine, and brought the perfect wine for a dinner party, don't ensure the fact that everyone knows it by telling them all night long.

Tip # 4 - IF YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT SOMETHING, DON'T TALK ABOUT IT. Seriously. Nothing is more annoying, see through or angering than talking with someone who doesn't know what they are talking about. It goes one of 2 ways. The person either has a conversation with you and you do most of the talking, and they just nod their heads and mimic what you're saying or whatever they picked up on tv, OR you have a debate with this person as they mercilessly defend something they have NO clue about. The solution to this? if you don't know anything or much of anything about the topic at hand, admit it. I know your arrogance and overwhelming ego will think this is a sign of weakness, but fight it, since it's actually a sign of strength. You're admitting; "I don't know too much about this, so what's going on with it?"...it's common knowledge that not everyone knows eeverything about the same things, so not only are you admitting your lack of knowledge in a certain area, you're opening yourself up to an actual *GASP!* discussion...where *Gasp!* you're not the centre of attention!! And guess what...no one thinks your a giant douchebag for comparing Lacoste to The Gap without having ANY fucking idea what you're talking about.

Tip #5 - Dress for your body type. It doesn't matter what your style is, there are ways to fit your body type without looking like a complete idiot. If you have a very fat and non shaped ass, and big thighs, maybe skinny jeans aren't for you. If you have a gut and a half, maybe wear a shirt or a jacket that covers or hides it in some way. Just because something is in style doesn't mean you HAVE to wear it. If Uggs don't look good on you, don't wear them! It's pretty fucking simple. Even if you're wearing fashionable and trendy clothes, if they look like shit, no one will notice.

Tip # 6 - if you INSIST on wearing something that doesn't look good on you, then FUCKING OWN IT. I don't mean own it like it's yours, i mean OWN it, like make the clothes work for YOU. Hold your head up and fucking make that style yours, and you don't care what people think about it. The clothes won't do it themselves. You have create your look and then BE your look.

Tip # 7 - Subway won't fix your weight problems.

Tip # 8 - If you go to starbucks because you want to be a hipster and want people to see you with the cup, at least learn the menu, the language and the lingo. Otherwise you just look like a fucking idiot.

Tip # 9 - Not everyone likes the same shit as you. Not everyone is interested in the same shit as you. So don't make them feel like a fucking idiot if they don't. You're a big sports person? Awesome. The person your're talking to isn't? Who gives a shit. Saying "You DON'T watch sports!?" is a ridiculous thing to say. It's like if i were to ask a sports nut; "You DON'T like Robert Frost!?". Newsflash! There are 6.5 Billion people in this world. They didn't all watch the leafs game last night. Find something else to talk about.

The massive flaw that is insecurity.

You've met them. The people that are bothered by everything. You know who they are...the ones who are so easily offended by every little thing. The people who take everything as a personal attack, whether it was or not, and who can dish it out, but can never take it. We all have at least one of these people in our lives, and in some cases like my own, we have several.
I finally realized just how severely pathetic one of these people are the other day, when this person decided they were rubbed the wrong way by my opinion. I will not go into extreme detail, but they voiced their opinion, i voiced mine in return, and instead of agreeing to disagree, this person deleted the entire thread, deleted and blocked me from facebook, and then decided to write me a lengthy email somehow attempting to justify their actions, and deem themselves a higher person.

I literally LOLd. To actually have this person talk to me as if I was too stupid to figure out how transparent they are actually made me laugh. They claimed that their facebook status became a "Shit show" when myself and another person were having a discussion. See, to these people, a discussion involving 2 different opinions is a fight, not a conversation. This is the reason why so many insecure and non-confrontational people are overly irritating and make people want to snap. I have even spoken to the other party in the discussion and they agree that this person's reaction was a bit overboard...and by a bit, i mean fucking nutty.

So this person felt that it was justified to remove me from their friends, and block me, and then lecture me on it, saying that i was in "Attack mode" and that they were the hero, stepping in before a fight broke out. Newsflash, you fucking moron, there are no fights, it's the internet. And for the record, mature adults can actually have a conversation that involves more than one opinion. It's what makes the world interesting. Now, getting back to their email... this person made several references to themselves, justifying that they "Weren't mean", etc. This also killed me, since overly insecure people have a severe habit of saying things and writing things, in order to convince themselves that they are in the right. It's sickening, since even THEY know deep down that they're fucking crazy, and try to tell themselves they aren't.

There are so many points to make here, i am getting lost...the simple fact that they felt that they could voice their opinion, but felt that an opposing opinion was an attack, is enough to tell me that this person has a skin that is paper thin, and has most likely grown up with either mommy and daddy kissing their ass, or has been overly insecure for the majority of their lives, and have simply agreed with what everyone around them was saying just to avoid confrontation. Either way, this person is a pathetic shell of a human.

Now...my favourite part of the entire thing. Once i was deleted from their facebook, i changed my status to something that was quite obviously directed at them. Since i couldn't send a private message, this was the best i could do (i would also like to point out the incredibly cowardly move of blocking someone, so THEY can message you whenever they want, but YOU can't message them). This person, in their email to me made a point to say that Using a facebook status instead of sending a private message was wrong, and disrespectful. THIS made me laugh harder than i already had been....why? Because this person uses status updates to send insults, comments, or whatever to their significant other on a regular fucking basis. It's pathetic and childish, and i want to stab myself in the eye everytime i read one....yet they were hypocritical enough to tell me that was immature. FUCK YOU.

Bottom line, these people are useless to me. They are far too afraid of confrontation, so they use distance as a weapon. They can never say these things to your face, and they don't want you to be able to use YOUR free speech, they just want to be able to use theirs. They can say anything they want, but if you say what you want, you're attacking, or you're wrong, or disrespectful, or whatever they feel offended them at that moment. It's pathetic. The world must bow to them if something doesn't go their way, and you're damn sure to hear about it if it doesn't. They are big with their words, but even their words are just a mask for their cowardice, and even THEY know it.

So i would like to give a very large FUCK YOU to this person, and to be very honest, i am GLAD you deleted and blocked me, since now i don't have to bear witness to your pathetic facebook addiction, commenting, liking, and changing your status every 3 fucking minutes. Get a fucking life you pathetic idiot, and grow up. The world isn't going to wait for you to grow a fucking back bone.

Friends.

I'm sitting here, enjoying a glass of 2009 Riesling/Gewurztraminer by OPEN, which is actually a delicious wine...and i'm thinking. I am thinking about life, love, and friends. Something happened to me this past weekend that i would like to share, and it involves friends. I realized, in stunning HD quality this weekend that when all the bullshit is boiled away, there are 2 types of friends: REAL friends, and bullshit friends. Before i get into the definition of what these friends are, let me tell you about what spawned this.

My best friend Kaycee is moving to nova scotia this weekend. She is embarking on what i can say is probably the biggest moment of her life thus far. It's something right out of a movie...picking up and moving to the east coast to be with her long lost love. Romantic? yes...a but crazy...maybe...but that's not my call. This is her call, and upon her decision, she decided for what may possibly be the last time, to get all of her friends together for a farewell party. Well she had been telling people about it for weeks, getting it ready, and looking forward to it. I had a show the night before in toronto, and made damn sure i was back in time for the party. So i get ready, make sure i am dressed to the nines, and make my way to her house. When i get there, i see a room full of people i don't even know. Not a single mutual friend of mine or kaycee's. Her one friend meaghan is there and that's it. Her brother's friends are all there, but as far as kaycee's actual friends, NO ONE was there. It was upsetting. it was angering, and it down right disgusted me.

So i asked her if anyone was coming. She said probably not. She talked to a few of our "friends", and they all had a reason why they weren't coming. The best part was the reasons: "I am not feeling well"...ok, i can MAYBE accept that one...but another one "Well...who's going to be there?"...IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO IS GOING TO BE THERE. If you are a friend, you fucking go there. I didn't know a single person in that room. I felt completely over dressed around hoodies and jeans. I hated the music, and i wanted to be outside instead of in a garage, but i FUCKING WENT. I drove back from toronto that day. I was sore. I was exhausted. But i went.

These are the same "friends" that are between 22 and 30, and still act as if they are 18...quoting family guy and thinking that they MUST get wasted if they have 1 drink. All they know are sports, and tv shows and really only care about themselves. These are the same friends who, one year for kaycee's birthday complained about the place SHE wanted to go because THEY didn't like it, and THEY didn't want to stand in line. It's pathetic.

These people are not your friends kaycee. They are no one's friends. They are only your friends when your pool is open, or you're feeding them. They are your friends when it's convenient for them to be your friends, and that's it. These are the same friends who abandoned me when me and Missy broke up, and decided they preferred to spend time with her over me. At first i was pissed, but now...hey, it's their loss, because i truly can't stand to be around them any more. There are only a couple that i really enjoy hanging around with. the others i couldn't care less about. Why? Because i don't give a shit about that episode of family guy, or that episode of simpsons, and no i didn't watch the fucking leaf game, and no i didn't cancel other cool things happening in order to WATCH the fucking leaf game.

So me and my girlfriend took kaycee out. Like real friends do. She was down. she was crying. she was very upset. So we took her out. We showed her the best time we possibly could. At least we tried. We did everything we possibly could. I tried to make her forget about it, and focus on the happy, new amazing life she has ahead of her. But i know deep down she was hurting. Deep down i was filled with hatred. A friend is not someone who is there 6 days a week, talks to you on the phone every day and says "i love youuuuuu!"....and then never comes around when you NEED them. A FRIEND is someone you can not talk to for 5 months, and then pick up right where you left off. A FRIEND is someone who will drop everything to help you at the drop of a hat if you need them. A FRIEND is someone who will pick you up when you're down even if it means doing something they don't want to do. THAT is a friend.

My friend Anthony. He's a true friend. He not only got us the show in toronto the night before kaycee's party, but he put us up in his apartment. His tiny little apartment. We were definitely a hassle, but he did it. I see anthony a few times a year now, as opposed to ALL THE TIME. but we pick up where we leave off. We are there for each other. THAT is a friend.

Where am i going with this? Well it's basically given me closure on knowing that the people i was formerly friends with really are a waste of space. They were a waste of time, and the sheer fact that i have no actual memories concerning just those people as friends should tell me something. I have a million memories involving my real friends. But none involving the people that were just around. What does this tell me? it tells me i am better than that. I am better than them. I am doing something with my life, and so is Kaycee. Kaycee is jumping on the chance to change her life. I am working every day to make something of mine...and these other people....these "friends"...well they're really doing nothing with their lives. So good fucking luck to them.

Kaycee. I love you. You're my best friend, and i wish you the best of luck on your future travels.
you always have a TRUE friend in me, and that, you can count on.

summer in the city

I sit here...a silently still individual on a patio on a gorgeous spring day. All around me is a mazzive buzz of traffic...people traffic. The heat of the day penetrates me, even in the shade and even the breeze is moist with humidity. This can only mean there will be a thunderstorm at some point soon...but i don't care. I love storms. I look around and all i can see are all different people...old people...young people....young women in their business attire on lunch break...young men in their business attire, althout all their suits are oversized...people out walking their dogs, riding bikes, rollerblading...

I saw a woman on rollerblades while using a cane because she could barely stand up...there is a fat man wearing tight bike shorts...homeless people asking for change. All different people from all walks of life are all crossing this intersection....for a lot of my life i have despised this city...and to a certain degree i still do...but something about this day has changed that...looking at all the people eating next to open patio doors...seeing the massive variety of people...makes me realize it's not such a bad place

for real people?

Ok. Have you ever gone into a store to buy some clothes...you look around, and you find a few things you kinda like...you go to the back of the store and you say "can i try these on?" and the sales clerk says "No."...? No, that has never happened to you. Unless you're asking to try on underwear...in which case you're gross and need mental help. Or how about this...have you ever gone car shopping, and the dealer refuses to let you take the car on a test drive? Doubt it. Even HMV lets you listen to a CD before you buy it, to make sure you dig it first....this is all standard procedure for most places....

So WHY, at certain stores to they NOT allow you to test out FRAGRANCES before you buy them? This is actually even DUMBER than not letting people try on clothes. I can't count how many stores i have been to recently where the cologne is fucking LOCKED UP. WHAT!? locked up!? Ok. I understand that cologne is expensive (unless you're buying Tim McGraw's cologne. In which case, end your life please), but still, you need to SMELL the cologne before purchase, and smell it ON your body. This is the purpose of cologne. Now, i understand the purpose of locking it up. But at least keep a tester bottle out for fuck's sake, this way people can actually see and smell what they are buying.

True story...Picture this: You're standing in a Superstore...they have a vast and actually impressive collection of fragrances at decent prices. You look and find a few that you are interested in...but SHIT! They are locked behind a pane of glass...and go figure, NO ONE is around to help you. At least at Shoppers, there is a person that works specifically in that department to help you....but NO. not at the superstore...or rexall....or wal mart...or ANYWHERE else except sears. So you finally flag down some fat massive bitch to come and open up the fucking case for you. This person goes out of their way to make you feel like you have just committed some massive crime by interrupting them from whatever pointless task they were doing...then they STAND there and breathe down your neck while you peruse, and the whole time you feel pressured and rushed and like a giant idiot....so you don't even dare ask them if you can open a box because you know they are going to say no...so you feel like leaving because you don't want to deal with their shit...so there is no sale!!! So by locking up the cologne, sure no one steals it, but no one fucking buys it either!!!

So reaaallly it's probably more worth it to keep everything unlocked, and risk the occasional bottle being lifted as opposed to never selling a single fucking bottle. make sense? Yep.

the winds are a blowin.

i am a firm believer that the weather is not just what temperature or conditions are outside at the moment, but also a gauge as to how to attack the day. I find for myself that the weather effects every last little part of what i do more than i have realized in the past. I mean, we all know to dress for the weather, obviously. But the weather effects so many more things, quite importantly, your mood. Your mood takes control of your body, your day, and your overall experience. It's your choice to either let it ruin you, or let it work for you.

In my experiences, i have observed that there are quite a lot of people that let changes in the weather completely ruin their moods or their days...when really they shouldn't. sure, it sucks when it's sunny and warm, and then clouds move in and put a chill on everything. But why should you let that destroy your mood? People hate rainy days, because there's nothing on tv, and they're bored and blah blah blah. I love rainy days because it's a chance to experience things i don't normally do...on a rainy day like yesterday i could sit around and watch re runs of shitty shows...or i could turn the tv off, put on a record, light a candle and just relax, and soak in the moment. Moments like that are meant to be enjoyed, not scowled at. Music is a very large conductor of emotion as is weather, so why do so few people combine them?

I mean, don't let me tell you how to enjoy your music, you can do what you want with it. But to me, there is certain music that is almost better enjoyed with certain weather...almost as if they each have their own power, and when combined, they present you with an experience that is like no other.

to me, combining your clothes, your music, your activities and of course, your cologne with the weather is completely essential. On a crisp autumn day, the wind is blowing and the chill is setting in....open the window a crack, grab a comfy sweater, put on some burberry cologne, and find yourself some woody herman to play (preferably on vinyl), and watch how your day changes. Or a day like today...colder than it has been, windy and gray...why let it ruin you, and why beg for the sun? Put on a jacket and some comfy shoes, go for a walk with your ipod and listen to something that captures the moment...for me it would be something vintage or something like the verve pipe. for you, could be something totally different. It's all about what makes you feel good...but capture it. Take control of the moment, and go with it, instead of letting them pass you by.

Expand your musical tastes, look wider than you have before. Stop listening to the same old shit over and over again, and test yourself. You will discover a world of new experiences.

Oh, i have also discovered that Starbucks' caffe verona french press coffee goes fantastic with early morning Postal service.

shakedown at the Wal

What a beautiful day! I am in a great mood, and since my great mood should be taken advantage of, i decided to head out and do a little bit of looking around since my motivational state has been heightened as of late. So a little trip to the music store, some powerman 5000 blaring down the highway and i am golden! I decided to make a quick run to Wal mart (i know...i know), to get a big rubbermaid bin for all my music gear...Come on, where else are you going to get one that size for $10? So i park my car and head in...just outside the front doors, there is some dude being tackled by 4 guys on the ground, as they put handcuffs on him...quite obviously he was shoplifting, and quite obviously the guys were security, just in plain clothes most likely since they are floor walkers. So they pick the guy up, and as they are bringing him back into the store, some fat slob of a woman says "excuse me, who are you? You don't even identify yourself?"
one of the guys said "we're security ma'am, don't worry about it"....

at this point it was plain to me that this bitch was the rosie o'donnel type of woman: Fat, loud, disgusting and with an overwhelming need to voice her opinion, no matter what. So she says "umm, i AM worrying about it, that man did nothing wrong"...to which the security guy said "He was shoplifting and running out of the store. It's our job to detain him"...
to which the swine of the earth said "Well, you didn't identify yourself...you think you can just tackle people like that? Think you're tough? I have a right to voice my concern"

Now, at this point i will say that it seemed like the security guys were a little fuckin overboard. They all looked to be in their early to mid 20s and seemed a bit too quick on the trigger. Odds are their job is pretty boring so this was a chance to get out there and show the world...rather the WAL what they were made of. They probably are either in school to be cops, failed out of school to be cops or just want to be a cop, so they took it all a little bit too far. BUT, they WERE doing their job regardless, so i am on their side.

So the dude looks at her and says "Ma'am you will be charged with obstructing an arrest if you don't let us do our job"...This fat bitch is like "Excuse me!? I am a Citizen of...canada...and...i have uh...the right....umm...to know what is going on here...what did that boy do?" finally the security guy turns around and says "Listen lady, you do NOT have the right to know what is going on, and unless you're that kid's lawyer or mother, get the fuck out of my face before i remove you too"....

I started laughing my ass off out loud and the lady looked at me in complete disgust, like i looked like a carrot or something. She started talking to random people about how crazy this was, and everyone was like..."umm...you really have no reason to be like this...they're doing their job". Finally she was defeated and waddled away back to her steak-scented car to drown her loss in hot buttered bacon-flavoured popcorn.

Moral of the story? Unless you actually have something to be complaining about, Shut the hell up and let people do their jobs. it's not your business, so don't make it your business. and not being a jelly filled cunt doesn't hurt.

oh...religion.

"Praying: How to do nothing and still believe you've helped"

That quote will forever be one of my favourites. Why? Because it's so true. Religion is a very sore spot for me. In my opinion it's the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard/seen....I understand that some people simply need to feel that there is a higher power controlling everything, and overlooking everything...i get that need. But really? Break down your thoughts into reality. Take them, and look at them objectively. They're insane.

Look at it this way. Someone comes up to you and in conversation, they tell you that they believe that a spirit is always watching and protecting them. They say they talk to this spirit every night, and believe this thing will solve all of the world's illness and issues just by having faith in it. They go to a big house every weekend with a bunch of other people, and talk, sing and give gifts to this spirit...this spirit tells them they can't do certain things, but they CAN do certain other things.....think about it. it sounds fucking crazy. But as soon as the person says it with religious intent, they're all of a sudden faithful instead of fucking insane.

It makes no sense. And in my opinion (which i am ALLOWED to have, share and write about, contrary to catholic belief) is that religion is for the weakest of people, who are far too insecure to realize that they have NO control of life. It's for the people who need to have directions. It's for the followers, not the leaders. Why can you not just live your life knowing that it's YOURS. Not controlled by an all knowing, loving, powerful spirit that allegedly existed thousands of years ago. Someone told me in a rant about one of my facebook updates that "knowing the man that walked on water is the only hope society has of recovering"...
ummmm, NO. first of all, no one can walk on water. I don't give a shit what you believe or think, it can't be done....unless the water was frozen (which science has shown could be entirely possible...yeah, science...that thing based on FACTS...) Or he was wearing boat shoes. Maybe they just omitted the boat shoes from the bible.

oh yeah, the bible. Really? REALLY?! another person told me that jesus DID exist, and if i read the bible, i would know that. Well, if that's the theory, then I am starting my quest for Frodo, and Gandalf, because they MUST be real too, since a book was written about them!

Listen. Believe whatever the fuck you want to believe. I respect and admire anyone for sticking to their guns. But keep in mind that your beliefs offend people too. And keep in mind when you're sitting in a room full of people all worshipping one character, chanting the same things, doing the same actions, living by a certain set of rules, and talking to the ceiling...well you just look insane.

Early morning ramblings III

I'm far from perfect. I've never made that claim.
But ask me a question...direction...
and you'll see me.
I'm pulling my punches and dropping my guard.
And all the bites on my tongue have
jaded me from the world.
The scars run deep and can't be seen,
but the laughter echoes still...shrill...
i'd kill for the chance to dance with
fists instead of kisses.

So wrap me up in your stories
and hang me by your noose.
An obscene disaster,
Even at my worst, i'm better than you.

I'm a ghost, hidden away in imagination.
My vacation is a space within myself.
And i've lived inside a shadow,
i made it my home, with plenty of room
to grow...to know...myself before i put it
up for sale.
My ears are on fire, and won't be put out;
You've created a monster, and buried yourself.