it's christmas. It's 4:09 in the morning. I sit here tired and weary from a long night at work, munching on a luke warm bowl of pasta and wondering why the hell there hasn't been a christmas special on since 10:00. But even more than that, I am thinking about how different my life is now than it was a year ago. I should be going to sleep, but my goodnight kiss with my girlfriend sparked something in me that i HAVE to blog about.

Christmas has always been a very important occasion for me. Not for religious reasons...or for the gifts. Although i don't complain about that part...It's always been just the feeling of the season. The christmas songs, the baking, the decorations, the smell in the air of a crisp cold christmas morning. All the little things that just made it so special. As i grew older, i noticed that christmas came a lot quicker, and as i got busier in life, it seemed to just pop up out of nowhere, without even a chance for me to find my christmas spirit. I hated it.

Then i met my girlfriend. At this time last year, we had basically just begun officially dating, and things weren't really serious enough for our christmas to be amazing...although it was very cool...but this year is completely different. This year, i feel it. I feel more into the season than i have in a very long time. I didn't realize the reason why until just a few moments ago: I have found my place.

I am no longer lost in any aspect of my life. I'm not seeking out anything anymore, because i have everything i need. My girlfriend is amazing. My girlfriend's family is amazing. I mean it. They are some of the most giving, generous and warm people i have ever met. It used to be, in my main past relationship, that i would arrive at christmas, and be uncomfortable for the entire time. I would sit there as the multiple cousins dicussed sports or sport related things, and really just felt intimidated the entire time. I hated it. I would get very nice gestures of gifts from her parents, and even her brother, and aunt and uncle, which was very thoughtful and very sincere, although i never felt as if there was anything really personal about it. The gifts, although very appreciated, were somewhat impersonal. In my current relationship, i have become so close with her family, that i cannot even begin to explain. Her sister treats me very well, like family, making dinners, and opening her doors to me on a regular basis. I have always wanted a sister, and i have found one in her. Despite our sarcastic love/hate relationship, i know she adores me ;) Her brother in law does the same, and in him, i have found a very close friend and almost brother figure with whom i can talk about a lot of different things, and whom i learn from on a daily basis. What i know about today's rock and music industry, he matches in his knowledge of older varieties of music. He's one of the coolest cats i have ever met, and he's always got a beer or scotch on hand :)

Her parents are fantastic and have welcomed me since day 1. Always open and generous, they have treated me with fairness and respect, which i absolutely love. Her mother is a doll and i enjoy talking to her about lots of different things, and i love her outspoken opinons (most of the time lol), and her father is a dude i could talk to for hours. He is knowledgable and loves learning as i do, so we hit it off quite well.

So where was i...oh yes. As i sat there at their family dinner this evening, i realized something i have never felt. I was comfortable. I spoke freely. I was at ease. The gifts i got her family were very appreciated, and to my relief, loved. The gifts her family got me were among some of the most thoughtful and unneccesary gifts i've ever received. Unneccesary in a very good way. I will not go into detail as to what they were, but they are very appreciated.

So i sit here. Alone next to my christmas tree, finally realizing that this christmas is different. This christmas, although having barely any money to spend is already better than many i've had. I am rambling. I don't even know where this train of thought is heading, but i don't care. I'm happy. I am happy that this christmas has finally arrived.

I cannot wait for my first taste of egg nog when i wake up...in 3 hours...and as a final note to this very unorganized but inspired blog:

Even if you don't totally dig a present you get, keep your mouth shut about it. There is nothing ruder in my opinion than bitching about a gift to the person. Keep your thoughts to yourself, or at the very least, blog about them 5 years later lol.

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.