it's that time again...

It's that time...the time where i look back on the past year and reflect on things, and usually end up with a stupid long post and some revelation i didn't know i could have.

This year was interesting to say the least. Not a lot of huge things happened, but enough occurred for me to look back and wonder where i would be if things changed. I guess one of the major things that happened in 2009 for me was leaving my job. For those of you who didn't know, i worked as a customs broker for about 5 years. It began as a quick thing to just get me out of the job i was at, which was working at the XS family fun centre...which made me want to kill myself. I got into it, and well, it stuck. I left my first job as a broker to go to a better broker, and for the first little while, it was actually a good job. It paid well, and it offered me new knowledge, and a feeling of professionalism. That is, until shit hit the fan, and the company started driving itself into the ground. Combining the mounting stress and anxiety of a workplace i hated with an extremely demanding and stressful school schedule was enough to make grown men snap, so i realized this past summer that i had to leave. Fortunately, I had been working on designing a position at a local bar which i frequented, and well, let's just say it worked out for the best...kind of. What i gained in stress-relief and no anxiety, i lost in pay.

Was it the right move? Yes i believe it was. If i stayed at my other company, i would have surely snapped and went on a shooting spree in a local wal mart. I couldn't handle it, and needed to leave. I was grumpy and hated life 24/7. Now, I am a manager/bartender/musician/student, and while the bills are getting paid (barely) and i have maybe $2 breathing room, i am SO much happier, and my anxiety attacks are few and very far between, as opposed to being 4 times a week. So yeah, i'd say it was the right choice.

what else happened this year...well, i suppose i have really fallen into, and taking a huge love to my course. I truly love graphic design, and while i still have much to learn, i like to think i have grasped on to it quite well. There are certain areas i am not the strongest in, but there are other areas i excel in, so i will take the good with the bad. i have always been the artistic kid, and now knowing how to do things properly, i have produced some of the best work i ever have, and it's nice to truly be proud of work you do.

Again, as in every year past, i have shed my skin of certain friends, and discovered new ones along the way. Friends i was glued to last year, i now no longer even say hello to. Not by my doing might i add, but simply because the personalities these friends chose to develop just didn't mix with me. Why did they develop such personalities? Who knows. Did i change? I don't think so....but regardless, nothing can be done now. As always, i prefer the company of myself over constant friends being around, so i guess this doesn't phase me much anymore.

in other 2009 news, i have found my comfort zone in my relationship. not simply with my girlfriend, but with her family. This year has shown me what it is like to actually be comfortable with your loved one's family, and has shown me a lot of different things i never noticed until i was in this relationship.

other things of 2009 -

I have developed a hardcore love of sushi
I fell in love with Nick drake, deathcab for cutie, and other various wacky artists
I still hate sports
I developed a love of Gin as my drink of choice


Anyways, 2009 wasn't as interesting as other years, simply because i am happy. I am not depressed, stressed and there is NO drama in my life, so 2009 was pretty damn good!


happy new year friends!
Justin

Few things make me more creative and inspired than the weather. The weather has a severe impact on my mood and my inspiration, and always has. Today is one of those days that call for a hot cup of gourmet coffee, a blanket and a book or a movie. The snow is falling, the temp is cold, and there is no better place to be than inside, relaxing and reflecting. Tonight i'm thinking a glass or 2 of wine, and some designing while some nice chill music plays in the background. But hey, that's just me...

It's on days like today though, that i really begin to think about things on a deeper level. Those of you who are familiar with my posts, or who know me quite well know that my life has been a constant revolving door of friends. Almost as if i continually rotate my roster until the perfect team has been built. Friends like richard and kaycee have been around for years, while friends like Fab and Eric are relatively new to the scene...either i just get bored with people, or i realize that a lot of people simply aren't as compatible as i thought they were with my friendship. Maturity is usually the main cause for this.

There is one friend though, I have realized that is really no longer a friend at all...rather more of an acquaintance. Which hurts me to say. This friend will not be named, nor will it be revealed if this friend is male or female, since i don't desire to make a huge deal out of it. This friend though, has gone from someone whom i told everything to, to someone who I rarely ever speak to. And when we DO speak, it's forced small talk at best. I miss this person a LOT, but i don't really feel that they miss me as much as i had hoped.

Now i will mention that this person withdrew from our friendship when they found a significant other. I will be the first to say that of course when you find someone, you don't hang out with your friends as much. That's understandable. But to completely cut yourself off is not cool. Especially considering how close we were. I suppose i am letting all this out now because i have never really voiced or even acknowledged how hurt I am. And since it is almost that time of year where i do my annual reflection blog, i guess it's hitting closer to home than i expected.

Every year i go through the same thing. I find new friends, and i shed the old ones. I know shed is a pretty harsh word to use, but those who know me know that i keep people close only if they deserve to be kept that way. If you're a douchebag or not a good friend, you will be removed. As was the case of another person i used to be quite close with and now don't even speak a word to.

Maybe i'm getting old. Maybe i am realizing that in life people come and go, and only the best of the best survive. Is that cruel of me? I don't think so...i think it's only fair to want the best people surrounding you at all times, no?

So, i sit here. A pug resting in my lap, a cup of Cafe Verona steaming by my side and a relentlessly wandering mind wondering what the next year will hold for me. As for my friend above, well...despite missing them, I wish them nothing but the best. They deserve the best, and I am happy they are happy. I mean that.

Keep checking back for the New Year's Blog
:)

it's christmas. It's 4:09 in the morning. I sit here tired and weary from a long night at work, munching on a luke warm bowl of pasta and wondering why the hell there hasn't been a christmas special on since 10:00. But even more than that, I am thinking about how different my life is now than it was a year ago. I should be going to sleep, but my goodnight kiss with my girlfriend sparked something in me that i HAVE to blog about.

Christmas has always been a very important occasion for me. Not for religious reasons...or for the gifts. Although i don't complain about that part...It's always been just the feeling of the season. The christmas songs, the baking, the decorations, the smell in the air of a crisp cold christmas morning. All the little things that just made it so special. As i grew older, i noticed that christmas came a lot quicker, and as i got busier in life, it seemed to just pop up out of nowhere, without even a chance for me to find my christmas spirit. I hated it.

Then i met my girlfriend. At this time last year, we had basically just begun officially dating, and things weren't really serious enough for our christmas to be amazing...although it was very cool...but this year is completely different. This year, i feel it. I feel more into the season than i have in a very long time. I didn't realize the reason why until just a few moments ago: I have found my place.

I am no longer lost in any aspect of my life. I'm not seeking out anything anymore, because i have everything i need. My girlfriend is amazing. My girlfriend's family is amazing. I mean it. They are some of the most giving, generous and warm people i have ever met. It used to be, in my main past relationship, that i would arrive at christmas, and be uncomfortable for the entire time. I would sit there as the multiple cousins dicussed sports or sport related things, and really just felt intimidated the entire time. I hated it. I would get very nice gestures of gifts from her parents, and even her brother, and aunt and uncle, which was very thoughtful and very sincere, although i never felt as if there was anything really personal about it. The gifts, although very appreciated, were somewhat impersonal. In my current relationship, i have become so close with her family, that i cannot even begin to explain. Her sister treats me very well, like family, making dinners, and opening her doors to me on a regular basis. I have always wanted a sister, and i have found one in her. Despite our sarcastic love/hate relationship, i know she adores me ;) Her brother in law does the same, and in him, i have found a very close friend and almost brother figure with whom i can talk about a lot of different things, and whom i learn from on a daily basis. What i know about today's rock and music industry, he matches in his knowledge of older varieties of music. He's one of the coolest cats i have ever met, and he's always got a beer or scotch on hand :)

Her parents are fantastic and have welcomed me since day 1. Always open and generous, they have treated me with fairness and respect, which i absolutely love. Her mother is a doll and i enjoy talking to her about lots of different things, and i love her outspoken opinons (most of the time lol), and her father is a dude i could talk to for hours. He is knowledgable and loves learning as i do, so we hit it off quite well.

So where was i...oh yes. As i sat there at their family dinner this evening, i realized something i have never felt. I was comfortable. I spoke freely. I was at ease. The gifts i got her family were very appreciated, and to my relief, loved. The gifts her family got me were among some of the most thoughtful and unneccesary gifts i've ever received. Unneccesary in a very good way. I will not go into detail as to what they were, but they are very appreciated.

So i sit here. Alone next to my christmas tree, finally realizing that this christmas is different. This christmas, although having barely any money to spend is already better than many i've had. I am rambling. I don't even know where this train of thought is heading, but i don't care. I'm happy. I am happy that this christmas has finally arrived.

I cannot wait for my first taste of egg nog when i wake up...in 3 hours...and as a final note to this very unorganized but inspired blog:

Even if you don't totally dig a present you get, keep your mouth shut about it. There is nothing ruder in my opinion than bitching about a gift to the person. Keep your thoughts to yourself, or at the very least, blog about them 5 years later lol.

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.

It's christmas time. There are officially 4 days left until Christmas, which is a day that a lot of people consider to be one of the happiest occasions of the year. It's a time that I personally find myself in a much better mood as soon as snow hits the ground. I tend to let things slide easier, and just go with the flow. A notice a lot of people are this way as well.

However, i noticed, as I braved my way into the mall today that there are 2 very distinct and very different personalities that arise in this season: The joyous festive people, and the bitter, resentful assholes.

The first people, we've already touched upon. The people that are happy, festive, and easy going. The ones who don't mind if you cut in line, or say go ahead, take that parking spot. They tip extra, say hello and smile to you on your way by....we love these people, and I am happy to say I am one of them.

The other people however are thorns in my fucking side, and i can't stand looking at them. You know who i am talking about. The tense and over angry mother with 3 kids hanging off her...the kids that scream and yell at everything. The dude who just wants to get in and get out asap with no one talking to him, the "guy" that thinks shopping is gay and just wants to buy his wife a fucking toaster and get on with life...and then there are just those people that don't like christmas, so they take that out on the people that do. Seriously, fuck off already.

I don't really have much more to say than just lighten up. Even if you don't celebrate christmas, at least take the chance to be happy and festive with everyone else. And hey, that goes for the rest of the year too. Stop being an uptight asshole, and just go with it.

That is all.

PS - I read the best quote today, one that i have lived by most of my life, and never put it into words: "A gentleman should not dress well. He should dress with character. "

Merry Christmas! (not happy holidays)

If you're going to be a poser, at least do it well.

Ok, so there are lots of things in this world to know a lot about, right? I mean some people know a lot about cars, some people know a lot about sports, or music or art...but even deeper below these very vague things, are smaller nuances of what people know a lot about. The car guy might know a lot about specific models or engines over others. The art person might really know a lot about the renaissance over other periods, etc. Everyone has their thing, and we should all be humble enough to admit that while we know a lot about certain things, there are other things we know nothing about. For example, I know a lot about music, colognes, and a fair bit about alcohol, but i know nothing about cars or sports. But that's the point. I don't PRETEND to. When someone asks me about cars, i simply tell them "you're asking the wrong dude". It's simple. there is nothing shameful about it, you just simply don't know a lot in that category.

But then you have the people that THINK they know a lot about something, because they've heard it somewhere, but can't back it up. I'm talking about the people that pretend they know everything about everything just to make themselves look good. This happens all the time, more often than i can explain. Listen up people, if you don't know a lot about something, be honest and humble, and admit it. Chances are, whoever you are talking to will be MORE than happy to teach you a few things. I simply cannot stand people who talk out their asses just to make themselves look cool...odds are there is someone around them who DOES know what they're talking about, and they're laughing their ass off at you.

Case in point: Thursday night a guy comes up to the bar, and takes a few seconds to look at our selection. He made it well known he was doing so, since he announced "Let's see what you have..." now, first of all, you're in a bar. Not a fancy wine place, or a high end cigar bar, just a bar. We have the same shit that the other bars have, maybe with a few differences. So please don't act like you have some snooty palette, and just pick a drink.

He looks a few seconds and then says "I'll have a double-short CC 12 year on the rocks please". Behold! i actually had a glimmer of hope for this poor lad, as he ordered the booze by name, chose the higher brand of it, and is drinking it on the rocks. but something didn't seem right. Someone who drinks rye, DRINKS rye. They know what they like and what they don't like. And if they're going to drink a step above the bottom, they generally look at the TOP shelf, where the high end booze is. He did not. Which told me this dude had $20 to spend, and wanted to look as cool as possible with it. I also noticed the 2 girls next to him that he was trying oh so hard to impress...So was he a real rye drinker? I doubt it....it was his next move that confirmed to me that he was a massive poser:

"Can i get that with coke?"... you're fucking joking with me right? Here i was, giving him my subtle respect, giving him a GLASS Canadian club glass, not our normal plastic rocks glasses, I served it to him the way RYE drinkers do it; 2 ice cubes, no garnish... And he has the balls to mix it with COKE. What a slap in the fucking face.

WHY would you go to the trouble of ordering a rye that is a step above the basic, if you're just going to mix it with coke? To me, that basically told me his story: "I am too much of a pussy to drink rye on the rocks, so i order higher stuff to make me look cool, when really i have to cover the taste with coke" What a fucking douchebag.

Anyone reading this who has done the same thing, end yourself. If you're going to drink rye, and especially if you're going to drink a HIGH END rye Whiskey, man up, grow some balls and drink it the way it is meant to be drank. Otherwise, if you're going to mix it with coke, ginger, 7up, or ANYTHING besides a couple ice cubes and MAYBE a splash of water, order the bottom rung rye, and hang your head in shame. But bottom line, STOP BEING A FUCKING POSER. Drink what you like, not what you think will make you look cool. Be a leader, and not a follower.

This goes for all of you retards who wear cologne the complete wrong way. Listen, if you're going to spend $80 on a cologne because you think it will impress people, find another hobby. Colognes are meant to be worn the way the designer intended. Much like food is meant to be enjoyed the way the chef intended. It's not meant to be poured or sprayed on so people 23 miles away can smell you. It is also not meant to be worn whenever you feel like it. Colognes are designed with certain scents and ingredients to compliment and enhance certain moods, weathers, occasions, even times of the day. Do some research, find out what ingredients are in it, and figure out how the designer wants you to wear it.... ie/ I use Burberry Brit for times when i am a bit dressed up, specifically in winter times, at night, since the scent is a darker, heavier and more formal scent. Whereas i use Lacoste Essential for spring and summer days. There are a lot of things that go into the design of a cologne, you should respect that.

And please, if you're going to wear cologne and want people to notice, skip the wal mart section, stop looking for the $12 knockoff shit, and buy a good, solid cologne that YOU like, and that smells good on YOU. Don't buy P diddy's cologne for the name. Make sure you like it.

Stop being posers, assholes.