YO JOE! (warning, spoiler alert)

Ok, so after MONTHS of anticipation, i finally got to view the new GI JOE movie today, and i must say, despite walking in with skepticism, I was very pleased with the film! Now, just so you know, i am a GI JOE NERD. I grew up with the toys and the cartoons, and I have always maintained a very avid love for them, if not an obsession. I still find myself hypnotized by the old cartoons, and still long for the days where you could find what seemed like several hundred different Joe figures at Toys 'r us, along with all the vehicles. Now granted, as the 80s ended and the 90s came in, the toys and the figures got progressively weirder and cheesier, but the nostalgia of the original GI JOE team stayed with me. (I know the 80s version wasn't the ORIGINAL, but i am referring to the REBIRTH of the name with the cartoon and the cast of military characters each with their own unique trait).

I mean, even when all these new characters were coming out, and cobra commander was going through an endless parade of STUPID mask changes, you still couldn't beat those original characters you loved...duke, snake eyes, lady jaye, scarlet, destro, stormshadow....then guys like beach head, chuckles, zartan, roadblock, alley viper...deep six...the list goes on, and on, and on...

So seeing as my love for the GI JOE crew was so deep, i had very high hopes that the director of this blockbuster would stay TRUE to the storylines, and not try to deck it out like all hollywood assholes tend to do. Case in point, Transformers. I mean, ONLY hollywood could take beloved robots that each were SO distinct and SO memorable, and turn them into giant pieces of CGI bullshit. I mean, in the fight scenes, you really can't tell who is who because they all look identical in their robot form. Whose genius idea was that? Like, Optimus prime is a FUCKING LEGEND, and you turned a simple red, white and blue robot into a complex mass of steel, wires, and....a FLAME PAINT JOB?!

anyways, i was hoping that GI JOE wouldn't be a massacre....and you know what? Besides a few expected hollywood changes...it was actually pretty accurate!

Now, keep in mind Joe fans, that this is a PREQUEL to where the original cartoon started in 1983, so remember that.

Let's start with captain sexy pants, Channing Tatum as the Joe Leader, Duke. At first, like most guys, i was like "Are you kidding me? He's not Duke at ALL". But i was wrong. Very wrong. He played a solid role, and he really suited Duke...marlon Wayans as Ripcord was also very cool, and despite my distaste for wayans in the past, he validated himself with this role. The entire cast brought a youth and energy to the roles, and it was very cool to see.

The first thing i noticed that was NOT true to the storyline was Baroness NOT having a Russian accent. She was VERY well known in the cartoon for her accent, and they took it away from her! The second thing i noticed was that Duke and Baroness were former lovers with a very distinct history...this actually plays a HUGE part in the movie.

Scarlett was AWESOME, and very true to the smart assed original version, and they even equipped her with her trademark crossbow. Hawk was badass, and really played well and Dennis Quaid can really pull off a beret!

Snake Eyes was DEAD ON. I mean, DEAD ON. the costume, the logo on his arm, the swords, everything. Right on the money. Gave me goosebumps to be honest. Likewise, his mortal enemy, stormshadow, was also right on the money...despite the fact that he plays an almost secondary version of himself, always in slick white clothing, as part of the cobra frontline. A weird twist, but one that was suited well.

Now...as i read a lot of the blogs leading up to the movie, there was a lot of speculation about Cobra Commander, and Destro. Up until now, no one had seen cobra commander in any trailers, etc...he's played well throughout the movie, although he is not acknowledged as Commander until the very end, solidifying the fact that this is Indeed a prequel. Also Destro does not become the silver-headed bad guy we all know until the very end either. Up until the very end, cobra commander (who is never called that, but you KNOW it's him)plays his part well. The evil scientist genius who wants to rule the world...he even has the elongated 'S' sounds at the end of his words...his look is not that of the original cartoons, but one that could totally work as a new version...UNTIL the end, when he dons a very brutal looking, fucked up, robot on ectasy type mask that just fucks the whole thing up. Also, he's Baroness' brother whom she thought died in the war, and Duke swore to protect him but shit went down...again, storylines that were NOT part of the original cartoons, but all in all, they aren't too bad...

Let's see, what else...oh yes, Destro is a white dude with an accent...which is odd, but doable...Ummm, Zartan doesn't have long hair, BUT he does a great job...and they even mention Dr. Mindbender! AND THEY SAY KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE! YESSS!!

The one thing i REALLY loved was that the movie stayed true to the fact that GI JOE is NOT ahead of the game. They are not some super soldiers who foil all the bad guys' plans...no. In fact, cobra was one step ahead of the Joes at all times, and the good guys actually were the ones trying their hardest to keep up. Just like the cartoon. They were underdogs, but always came out on top. It was nice to see the movie did the same.

Also, i would like to mention that whether purposely done or not, the movie shows cobra's first attack on the world as Attacking the Eifel Tower...EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE FIRST-EVER EPISODE OF THE CARTOON! sure, it was a different weapon entirely, but who cares?! Well done!

All in all, the movie was really REALLY good. Like, REALLY good. It was exciting, funny, smart and completely full of action. I can deal with the typical hollywood costumes instead of the joes' original costumes, i mean that shit is to be expected, and actually is NEEDED, since if Duke was wearing his yellow shirt and green pants like in the cartoons...well he would have died immediately. It was fantastic to say the least. Now i am not a movie critic, nor do i want to be. I don't expect this movie to win an oscar, and i don't give a shit. It was entertaining, exciting and fun, and that's all us GI JOE fans need....because you know what? The original cartoon wasn't winning any awards either, but it was still badass.

SO. i can safely say that GI JOE has successfully passed my personal approval test, since hollywood didn't fuck too much with the main details (unlike spiderman...seriously? webs from his actual wrist? did you even READ the comic?)...and it was totally worth my money. I can't wait for this to come out on DVD, and I can't wait for the movie-renditions of the toys to stop being made, and the ORIGINAL TOYS to come back. Because now i can finally afford to make an actual army of cobra vipers.