Oh, trent reznor...you lyrical genius you.
Every summer's end, i get into a slight slump because i am inevitably sick of the routine my life has taken on. Today was a little different...Today i became sick of pretty much everything except my wonderful girlfriend, and my unquenchable thirst for knowledge and music. And i have to say, the only thing that really keeps me going sometimes is the fact that all my low points will eventually lead into lyrics of songs...so i suppose they're doing me well.
Why am i down? I can't really explain it...I am sick of my wardrobe, sick of my clothing, and sick of not being able to dress the way i really want to be dressing. Why am i unable to be doing this? Well, for one, i don't have the money available to really spend what i need...and second, Windsor has one shitty fucking excuse for a shopping mall, if i've ever seen one. I mean, if you're a girl, you have at least SOMEWHAT of a chance finding something to suit your needs...but if you're a guy, SPECIFICALLY a guy like myself, who is not one to follow the typical "guy" clothing fashions, (if you don't understand what i mean, please refer to my earlier posts), then you literally have ZERO chance of finding anything to suit your somewhat, off-axis tastes. I mean, for the most part, every store you go into diplays a wall of cookie cutter jeans, right next to a wall of fucking polo shirts...Polos of all colours! so you basically have to be one of those massive fucking douchebags who wears polos with the collar popped, cargo shorts, and white shoes, in order to get any joy out of shopping at the Devonshire Mall. But wait, what's that? Omg...a shirt i actually like!? Sweet!! as i get closer i see there is NO size for me...however there is a massive amount of Mediums and...XXLs!? Sure, but no larges...oh, and what's this? it's also $98. Yeah, fuck you.
What does a guy have to do in order to look, dress, and feel professional and well groomed? I mean even if you DO find something that suits you, chances are, unless you have the dimensions of a fucking mannequin, you'll have to do some tailoring of your own to get it to fit the way you need...hell, even the clothes on the mannequins are pinned back and form fitted so you THINK they look good, when really, you just bought a fucking tent.
That's just part of the down-syndrome i have at the moment (hahahah play on words)...i guess i just really desire a lifestyle a lot more suitable to me than Windsor offers. All over the place, i see people TRYING to look or play a different part, but when it comes down to it, we're all from the same place, so no matter how hard you try, until you get out, you're just like everyone else. It's sickening to be honest....but what can one really do?
All I can really do is try my best to make the best of everything, as down as it may get me sometimes. I know that before i know it, i will be out on my own, doing my own thing, and i will be able to really piece my lifestyle together the way i envision it. I know i will have my girl with me, and i know we both picture the same thing...we just have to make it there. Before i know it, we'll be sipping a nice pinot grigio on our balcony, finally enjoying the fruits of our labour. But until then, i'm going to have to really work hard at making everything in my life the exact way i want it.
So if you'll excuse me, i'm going to go clean up a bit, light a few candles, and do what i can to make my living space all it needs to be.
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