Addict.

there's just something about silence that is completely soothing...that is medicinal. I can't explain it. It's like a junkie finally getting that fix...finally putting the needle in and delivering what he needs the most. In a world so chaotic and hectic, silence IS a drug. It's something I can't get enough of. It's addictive...and I am most certainly an addict. Although, i suppose it's not complete silence that is my drug of choice, rather the high of the silencing of the world around me. The unmistakable euphoria when out of the chaos grows a seeping, crawling silence. Creeping in until my entire being is enrobed in beautiful quiet bliss.

It doesn't need to be completely silent. Usually, i will opt for the vacuum of noise canceling earphones in public...allowing the abyss within to fill my ears with whatever i need at that moment (which right now is Morcheeba), and at home, i generally prefer a locked door with a candle and the ambient crackle of frank sinatra on vinyl. Hey, everyone has their drug of choice.
I don't know what it is about the deafening dull roar of public places that has me frantically trying to escape it. It's something inside of me...a primal urge that screams inside of me until it can be satisfied...putting earphones in is like a breath of much needed air, the relief to the drowning i was feeling; the weight lifted off my chest not a moment too soon. Rushing through my body like heroin until i feel released, and finally at one with myself again.

The destructive, hectic world around me suddenly becomes something of a silent movie, set to my own personal soundtrack. A million people all moving, talking, rushing and crazy, suddenly silenced by my own will, and now all play their own part in my film. A film without a plot or a dialogue...and without an ending. A constant display of moving pictures, all with their own story. It only pauses for intermission when my silence is over....and continues again the next time i crave a moment.

As i write this i am relieved to know that the screaming child in line at starbucks is pleasantly silenced by the ambient beats in my ears, and instead only looks as if the music is coming from his increasingly saddened mouth.

The world is my silent movie.