skinny jeans and no talent.

So this weekend my band played at a record showcase in Toronto. We knew we were going into a show where there would be a lot of younger bands, but nothing could have prepared me for what we walked into.

A sea of skinny-jeaned punk kids with belts tied around their thighs, walking around like they're hot shit...wait, i guess i was prepared for that. Everywhere i looked were these overly skinny kids who thought they were rock stars. It was pretty sickening, since i think i was the only dude walking up to other bands introducing myself. The rest of the bands really couldn't have given a shit. One band was 5th up, but were already putting their gear on stage because "We have pretty big gear so we're getting it up here now...you know?" Turns out their pretty big gear was a marshall stack, and an ampeg 4x10...oooooh, snazzy, look out, HUGE gear coming through.

I got the feeling that we were looked at strangely because we were the only band that was above the age of 18, and we were the only band that wore real human clothing, and didn't try to look like travis barker on Ecstasy all the time.

So the first act gets up...a solo rap artist. Not bad, but needs work. Second band gets up...needs a LOT of work....what do these 2 bands have in common? Both of them decided to break out a song they JUST wrote last week. At a record showcase. Are you fucking joking? Not only did the second band JUST write the song, but they screwed up the intro and had to start over. Fail.

Then we go on. I think it's fair to say that no one in there except our fans were expecting anything much from us. They assumed we'd be just another band...until the lights went out, and we kicked them all in the face with...gasp...MUSIC.

Not senseless riffing and endless whining...MUSIC. We weren't up there trying to be the next punk emo band, we were ourselves, and guess what? It was good. Our light show was custom, our stage show blew every other band out of the water...why? Because we've played a LOT of shows, and actually take time to study our performance. We don't just walk around bumping into each other while focusing on our own egos.

we got off stage to an awesome crowd. they asked us to sign things. the other bands congratulated us. They asked our light tech to do their lights....oh, and they bugged us for monster energy drink when our new shipment came. People told us our songs were in their heads. The record guys loved us...and guess what. We weren't wearing skinny jeans.

The majority of the rest of the bands all looked the same...all sounded the same...and all had zero talent. I'm sorry but it's true. Anyone can get on stage and slam on their guitar, and throw their bodies around like they're having a fucking seizure. All you're doing is copying off the countless bands that have done that before you. They have no personality. No charisma...nothing that sets them apart from the other bands. They all think they have something special, when in reality they're all fucking identical.

No hooks. No melody. just a bunch of endless whining and screaming, and random noises.

And skinny jeans.

So yeah, we were the old guys. Yeah we were wearing actual clothing.

And yeah, you remember who we are.

Oh...a few more things...

Well, in addition to the things that piss me off below, I have a few more things to add to this list...
well maybe not ADD, but elaborate on.

The facebook group thing...really, why do people feel that facebook groups will change the world? This drives me insane. It's like there is no middle ground. Either people are making a group that is completely pointless and stupid, or they are making a group in some attempt to change the world. Today i was fortunate enough to open a group invitation to a facebook group titled "Petition to end all wars"...yes, ALL WARS. i managed to glimpse quickly at the description of the group long enough to gather that whoever the brainiac was behind this group had the goal to gather as many members as possible, then send this group to all the leaders of the world to tell them to stop making war....

Um...do you actually think this will work!? Like this entire time, the answer to stopping World War was....FACEBOOK! Duh! why didn't we think of this!? This whole time, hundreds of years of war, billions of dollars spent, and countless lives lost, and all we had to do was say "Umm, hey guys, lots of people want you to stop...it says so on this facebook group" and the war makers would just say "Oh shit...we didn't know our wars had THIS kind of effect!! We'll stop immediately! Thanks facebook for shedding light on this!"

Seriously!? SERIOUSLY!? pull your heads out of your asses people...like a fucking facebook is going to stop WARS!? for real...? wouldn't you have to ADD the world leaders to facebook first? what if they deny you? What if Bin laden just wants to creep your drunk bikini pics? These are things you gotta think of guys.

How about this...guys that think hunting is manly. let's first clear up the fact that hunting has changed significantly since the dawn of man. It used to be that you went out in your loincloth with a spear and only your courage to back you up. You chased down whatever you were hungry for, and battled it to the death, eating it's carcass as not only a meal, but as a trophy, and a feast of pride....

Times have changed though. Now, self proclaimed "manly men" sit in a tree decked out in weather resistant clothing, designed to withstand any and every element that mother nature can throw at them. Hundreds of feet away, in the unsuspecting distance, a deer, or whatever animal they are hunting is completely unaware, and is walking, eating, chillin out...no clue it's about to die...the "hunter" lifts his technologically enhanced rifle to his face, uses the super powered long distance scope to take aim, and fires, killing the deer instantly. No battle. No hunt. no running, no challenge. So please tell me how "hunting" makes you a fucking man? Oooh, you wear a camoflauge hat. I am sooooo intimidated by your unrelenting masculinity. Please, oh master of the woods, take mercy on my unmanly soul for not murdering innocent animals from a retarded distance.

Want to be a real man? Challenge a bear to a fist fight in the dead of winter wearing only fur underwear and take him down. THEN you can call yourself a fucking hunter. Otherwise you're just a fucktard with a gun.

This topic goes hand in hand with the "men" who think you're only a man if you drink beer...yet they drink coors light. Drink a real beer you fucking pansies.

Things that drive me insane II

Well, it's time for the second installment of Things that drive me insane. Usually, i let these things build up until the point i am going to break, and then release them. It's now pretty much been long enough for me to do this, so here we go:

The Swine Flu:

Ok...i get that this is a big deal, and people are scared. But seriously, SHUT THE FUCK UP about it already. "Did you get your shot?" "I am not getting mine" "but you HAVE to!!" seriously, this is making me snap. If someone doesn't want to get the shot, let it be. If you're enough of a sheep to go and get the shot because you believe everything you're told, then go do it. But stop talking about it. Every day there is a new development. Today the shot it safe, tomorrow it's dangerous, blah blah blah. Shut up, and deal with it.

People who use the handicap button to open doors when they don't need to:

This is seriously PURE laziness. These people are NOT handicapped, and they don't have their arms full of ridiculously awkward or heavy things....they are just so lazy, they would rather press a button than push it open themselves. The best part of this is that the button actually takes like 6 seconds longer than opening the door themselves, and they have to actually STOP their forward momentum to stand and wait for the door to be opened. Seriously makes someone wonder just how insanely lazy these people are.

People who make facebook groups/fan pages for absolutely nothing:

Oh, look! one of my friends just became a "fan" of "not panicking over the swine flu"...not only does this lend itself to my topic above, but for someone to actually be stupid enough or waste enough of their time to become a "fan" of this is ridiculous. People make groups for EVERYTHING, and it's so stupid. Why do you people have so much time on your hands? Isn't there SOMETHING you can be doing with your time other than inviting people to join your pointless groups?

People who make facebook groups/fan pages and then NEVER update them:

Ok, so 165 people have joined your page...now what? you have no news updates, no discussion boards, no pictures, no videos, no status updates...so WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF YOUR PAGE??

Fat bitches who wear tight pants:

I don't even need to elaborate on this, do i? I am not saying everyone should be skinny. I am saying that if you can't fit flatteringly into a pair of lulu lemons, don't fucking wear them.

People who bitch that they "have no time" to do things:

Chances are, these people actually have the time...but they don't use it. These people are commonly the people that don't have the time, because they choose not to sacrifice the time. They don't want to go to bed a couple of hours later than normal, they don't want to miss grey's fucking anatomy, they don't want to do things they normally wouldn't do. Therefore, school work, or whatever else that needs to be done, doesn't get done because they "had no time". Which is fine. if your work doesn't get done, then just say you didn't do it. But DO NOT say you didn't have time, because I, or someone else that manages their lack of time very well will politely put you in your fucking place.

People who take offense to everything:

Fuck off, and stop reading this.

People who spend $90 on a new video game, and then use cheats to beat it immediately:

Seriously? have you never heard of a challenge? these games are designed to test your abilities and your skills...yet you put on your invincibility and your all weapons codes, and run through the game. Wow. Big man. do you feel accomplished now? Good purchase. Maybe next time you can spend the money on building that girlfriend you've always wanted.

That's all for now...i'm sure there will be more but for now, i should get back to class work.

out.

How things have changed.

When I started my first band and first got into the local music scene, I never thought I would have a mohawk and be applying eyeliner in a sticker-covered mirror in the dirty bathroom of a divey rock bar in Windsor's downtown district. I never envisioned myself wearing what i wear, singing what i sing, or being in this position that I am right now. But, as with everything else, this changed over time.

I've now been performing for the better part of a decade, and I've gone from a person who didn't even know what an XLR cable was to someone who has learned the ins and outs of the scene, the industry, and the stage. I've learned over time about what to expect, and most importantly, to take everything with a grain of salt.

The most valuable thing i have learned however, is the 'unwritten' rules of being a band in a local market. If you're a musician and don't know what I am talking about, you may want to read and understand these things for future reference. Trust me, it will be very important.

First, and most importantly is respect. It doesn't matter if you don't know the bands you're on a bill with, you don't sit in a corner and act like you're untouchable. Go talk to the bands. Introduce yourself. Let them know who you, and your band is. Once you've done this, if they don't talk to you or hang out or have beers, or whatever, then at least you tried.

While on stage, if you're one of the opening acts, you should ALWAYS mention the name(s) of the other opening bands, and of course, pump up the headliner. Bands who don't do this are perceived as completely disrespectful and arrogant by the other bands, and even some of the audience. If you ARE the headlining band, then it is incredibly important to give shout outs to the opening bands. If your band has a frontman that doesn't speak well on stage, and is either too shy or too stupid to do these simple tasks, then you need to beat him/her into shape. These are insanely important things to do.

While off stage, before your time slot, you should, if at all possible, watch the other bands, and be sure they know you're watching. This assists in building a good respect and relationships with the other acts. BUT more importantly, AFTER your show, you should at all costs stay to watch the bands after you. If you play your show, load up your gear and leave right away, you look like a complete asshole to the other bands, specifically the headlining band. If you NEED to leave, at least let the headliner know in advance...this is common courtesy. At the very least, stay for a few songs, and then signal to them that you're leaving....again, just common respects that go a LONG way in building a good reputation for yourself.

These are just a few of the unwritten laws that should be followed...or at least were followed when i began in the industry...NOW though, things have changed. Now, bands don't give a shit. I have played over the past several years, and have found that although each band is different, the majority of the younger bands completely disregard any of these respect procedures, and literally just look out for themselves. I've seen it on a constant basis, and have to admit, it's sickening. Gone are the days of a 5 band bill where all the fans of every band stay to support each other...it hasn't been that way in years. Now, each band has their crowd, and that crowd leaves when the band does....the band doesn't tell their fans to stay, and the band leaves right away.

if this industry and this local scene will ever reach its full potential, things have to get back to the way they were years ago; when bands helped each other, and didn't fight each other. So if you're in a band, you may want to brush up on these rules. They will go a long, long way.